37 Ways To Tell If She's For Real - Brief Article

Ebony, Nov, 1999 by Laura B. Randolph

THE Brothers have a bone to pick with me. If my mail is any indication, an earlier column (May 1997)--which listed 32 ways a woman can use to gauge if a man really loves her--has left them feeling neglected, overlooked and downright ignored.

A representative letter:

Dear Ms. Randolph,

I am aware that your column is called Sisterspeak, and I understand all that the title implies. Even so, I am compelled to ask: Every now and then, would it hurt you to include the Brothers in the mix? This is not a criticism, mind you. As a man who grew up in a house full of sisters, I understand there are some discussions that are so quintessentially female that a man's interest in them, however genuine, need not be weighed, addressed or even considered (your columns on the trauma of swimsuit shopping, the mysteries of motherhood and the new worm order if Santa was a Sister leap to mind).

However, when it comes to columns like last month's "Love Signs," I think I speak for the majority of Brothers when I say: What about us?!?! We, too, would appreciate receiving the same information. Trust me. There is nothing uniquely female about the desire to know which--a house in the suburbs or a bachelor pad in the city--is more likely to be in your future. A man doesn't want to invest his emotions in a here-today-gone-tomorrow romance any more than a woman does. And so, in the interest of fairness, I hope that you will consider a personal request: As you did last month for the Sisters, would you share some ways a Brother can use to discern when a woman is in love and when she is not, and how he can make this distinction?

Sincerely,

A Good Brother Who Really Wants To Know

What can I say? The Good Brother is exactly right. And to make amends for the oversight, here are 37 telltale signs--five more than the Sisters got--that a man can read to help him decide if a woman is in it for the long haul. Odds are good she is if she:

1. Never lies to you ("Yes, baby, you have put on a couple of pounds"), but always casts the truth in the most promising light ("But I have a great idea on how you can work it off").

2. Always gives you first dibs on the Sunday paper.

3. Gets up at two in the morning and drives across town to pick you up from a three-martini boys night out. Says not one single word about it the next morning.

4. Treats your child(ren) like her own.

5. Gives you sole custody of the remote control.

6. Lets you see her without makeup.

7. Lets you answer her phone.

8. Holds your hand in public.

9. Holds your head when you can't hold down those four chili dogs, three bags of chips and two cream sodas.

10. Makes you feel like the alpha and omega of her erotic world.

11. Forgets the thoughtless, dumb remark you made about her haircut.

12. Remembers your ex-wife's birthday long after you've forgotten it.

13. Confides in you.

14. Shows up at your door with candles, oil and a massage table.

15. Tells you to invite the guys over to her place to watch the big game.

16. Doesn't hide the breakables or make any comment when she's washing the onion dip off the walls.

17. Comes to all of your games--even when your team is ranked dead last.

18. Goes out of her way to make your life better, easier, happier.

19. Tells you her most guarded secret.

20. Tells you her most sensuous fantasy.

21. Makes you quit smoking.

22. Doesn't make you feel like a jerk even when you've acted like one.

23. Instructs her secretary to put your calls through no matter what she's doing.

24. Pampers you when you're sick.

25. Pampers you when you're in perfect health.

26. Laughs at your jokes. Every time you tell them.

27. Cries when she learns you got that promotion you've been working for 24-7.

28. Introduces you to her parents.

29. Asks your mother for the recipe to your favorite dish. Practices making it over and over until it tastes just like mom's.

30. Gives you a pair of tickets to the big game and tells you to take a buddy.

31. Gives you a pair of silk pajamas and tells you to take them on the weekend getaway she has planned for the two of you.

32. Goes with you to your frat brother's BYOB wedding.

33. Wears the leather miniskirt and six-inch heels you bought her for Christmas just because you gave them to her.

34. Wears your pajama top to bed.

35. Keeps the ticket stubs from the movie you took her to on your first date.

36. Keeps your secrets.

37. Keeps you coming back for more.