How To Plan A Carefree Week - planning a break from the usually busy schedule of a working mother

Ebony, Nov, 1999 by Kelly Starling

Young children can brush their own teeth, put on their pajamas, put away toys, make their beds (it doesn't have to be perfect). Older children can help with the care of their younger siblings by changing diapers and doing more involved tasks. Clarissa Combs of Brooklyn Park, Minn., posts a list of chores for her three children--ages 12, 9, 7--each week.

"When they're done for the week, they get an allowance of $10," says the women's outpatient treatment counselor for the Minneapolis-based African-American Family Services. If something is not done right or if they've skipped something, they get a dollar off for each [infraction]."

Combs says she tries to teach her children autonomy while instilling the value of work. To accomplish that goal, she lets them help her decide their weekly tasks.

"Instead of me dictating chores to them, I ask them what they can do to help mom around the house," she says. Involving her children with household duties has freed up time for family activities such as their twice-monthly dinner date at a local restaurant. She lets the kids choose the place and they go together, often doing a fun activity when it's over.

3. Share responsibilities with your husband

"When there are two parents in the household, you have to share child-care responsibilities," says Shelton of the National Black Child Development Institute. "When the mom needs time off, sometimes the dad has to take them. It's good for the kids to be alone with the father and good for the mother to have some time to herself."

Men can cook while their wife is nursing. They can clean up around the house while their spouses rest. Those who resist housework can read books to children or bathe them.

Each Saturday morning, Raymond Adams watches the kids so his wife Lisa can spend time alone. "I sneak out of the house as early as possible before the kids wake up," she says.

She may head to the beauty salon or go grocery shopping. Lately, she's been taking yoga at her church. "I enjoy doing it because it's my time," she says. "It's something that helps me out a lot. I hate when I miss it."

She gets back in time for Raymond to play racquetball. Shelton and her husband, Hilary, take turns putting their 4-year-old son, Caleb, to bed. Experts say successful parenting relies on cooperation like these couples share. Working women face daily demands from job and home. For one person, the load can be overwhelming. But when the tasks are shared, they become workable.

"You have to be creative sometimes," says Shelton. "Women have to demand that their workplaces be more flexible and men have to do the same. I read a survey that says bosses don't expect men to take off when children are sick. But men have to tell their bosses, `The last time my wife took off, now it's my turn.'"

4. Split child-care with friends

When you're a working mother, making time for yourself takes ingenuity. One suggestion is to share child-care with friends in similar situations.

"My neighbor has a 4-year-old and I have a 4-year-old, so we take turns keeping each other's children," says Shelton, who also has a 10-month-old son, Aaron. "You cannot always afford a baby-sitter, but you might be able to share duties with a friend who has a child. You can say, `I'll take Tuesday and Thursday and you take Monday and Wednesday. Or you can alternate so someone gets a break every other Friday."