Letters To The Editor

Ebony, Nov, 2000

DAWN A. NICHOL

Tulsa, Okla.

STARS GETTING PREGNANT FIRST AND MARRIED LATER

I just finished reading the article, "Why So Many Stars Are Getting Pregnant First and Married Later (If Then)" (Sept. 2000). I am a 21-year-old mother of a toddler, and even I can see the benefits of raising a child in a two-parent, committed marriage. Having children out of wedlock is not something to be applauded or praised.

I was truly appalled and saddened by this article. First of all, when did Hollywood begin to set the standard for the rest of society? Marriage is not just an ideal, but it is a symbol of the commitment that a couple makes to be there for each other until the end. It is not just a piece of paper.

Single parenthood is not a new phenomenon. The Black community has been struggling with this issue for generations. Inevitably the children of these "co-parenting" relationships will suffer because children need to be raised by both parents together. Furthermore, they need to see that their parents are not merely living with each other but that they mutually love and respect each other enough to commit to each other by getting married. Marriage is not easy, but nothing that is worth having ever really is.

MELISSA HENLEY

Richardson, Texas

My letter is in response to the article, "Why So Many Stars Are Having Babies First And Getting Married Later (If Then)." Though I'm not a celebrity, I can relate to the issue. I'm a 36-year-old mom of two who is common-law married, as they call it in Texas. My common-law husband and I have been together 16 years. And I have no plans on marrying him, and our children are being raised very well. My 11-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son are honor roll students and are very well-rounded children. I agree with Michael Eric Dyson, professor at DePaul University, who says it's not the official seal of approval, it's the mutual love and respect we have for each other. You see, I and my husband are two hardworking parents. We have the cars, the house in a suburban neighborhood and the children who go to good schools. And we are striving to raise the children the best we can. So as to Dr. Julia Hare, I do not agree that my daughter will look at other single girls or women and feel that she can have a child without a husband. Even though her father and I are not married, she lives in a two-parent household, where we have a strong bond as a family.

Dr. Hare asks what is there to hold the relationship together if there is no marriage? Well, let me tell you, it's called dedication. So I agree with Dyson, who says it's not the presence of a contract but of contact. Love, nurturing and support are the crucial factors that define any home.

TINA SMITH

Dallas, Texas

In the article "Why So Many Stars Are Getting Pregnant First and Married Later (If Then)," I say "kudos" to Dr. Julia Hare for her response to the actions of celebrities who choose to bring children into the world outside of marriage (and for others, for that matter). Thanks for the remarks.