The ABCs Of Toddlers - behavior and parenting tips

Ebony, Nov, 2000 by Zondra Hughes

Toddlers may appear to be nothing more than living dolls, but they are actually in one of the most critical stages of their development. They are struggling for independence, and are learning to explore their newfound environment, communication and motor skills. Thus, a growing number of experts say that before a toddler masters his ABCs, parents need to master the ABCs of toddler training, listed below.

AGES & STAGES. 19-24 months: Toddlers can use a spoon, dress themselves with help and use partially understandable speech. They may start exploring genitals, and begin to understand abstract concepts such as "sooner" and "later." 25-30 months: Toddlers will speak clearly, name several body parts, may recognize names of colors, pets and friends. 31-36 months: Toddlers can call a friend by name, express a whole range of emotions, follow simple commands, and can get dressed without help. Parents should remember that toddlers are individuals; some may learn motor and social skills earlier, some may learn later.

BEHAVIORAL ISSUES. Using profanity, hitting, or other disrespectful behavior may be a direct result of "monkey-see, monkey-do," explains Chicago-area child development specialist George E. Smith. "Children are looking and listening to everything we do, and one of the most important things parents can do for their children is set a positive example for them," Dr. Smith says.

COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR TODDLER. As your toddler strives for independence, power struggles are sure to be a major issue. Communicate with your child, talk to him and most importantly, treat him the way you would like to be treated to reduce much of the frustration in the long run. Try compromise instead of commands: Instead of, "you can't go outside now," try, "let's clean up our room now and we can go outside later."

DISCIPLINE. When it comes to disciplining your child, the rule of thumb is to keep your disappointment focused on the bad behavior, and not on the child--and make certain that your child understands the difference. "You want to confront the behavior without shaming or embarrassing the child," warns Dr. Smith. "Tell your toddler what they did wrong and then teach them the appropriate behavior." Parents should never use demeaning language or call the child bad names. Such negative forms of discipline can result in lifelong emotional scars.

EXPLORATION. Early explorers are bound to excel later, says California educational psychologist Sandra E. Cox, executive director of the Coalition of Mental Health Professionals. "Exploration is what makes children gifted," Dr. Cox says. "Children are learning how to live, they are learning their mother's role and their father's role. They are putting everything in their mouths, in their ears, touching and feeling--that's how they learn, so parents need to work with their children in a proactive way."

FEAR. The most common fear of toddlers is a fear of separation. Experts advise parents to explain to your toddler that you are going to leave beforehand and will return shortly. Then do not drag out your exit--give your toddler a quick hug and be off. Actress Jasmine Guy, who's currently starring in the musical Chicago, says in the beginning she was nothing short of traumatized when her daughter Imani, 19 months, would cry for her when they were separated. "One time I just started crying in the car, and with her being my first baby, I really wasn't prepared for this," Guy recalls. "But I found out that once I call back to the house, she's usually fine the moment I leave."

GROOMING. Generally by 19 months, toddlers begin to wash and dry their hands and brush their teeth with supervision. Within the next few months, they will be able to dress themselves with help.

HYGIENE. Toddlers like to emulate what they see grown-ups do, so be sure that your child sees you keeping up healthy hygiene habits, such as brushing teeth in the morning and before going to bed, or washing hands before eating a meal.

IMMUNIZATIONS. Pediatrician Shari Nethersole, attending physician at the Boston-area Children's Hospital, says all toddlers should be immunized. "You may read about side effects or the threats of allergic reaction to certain immunizations," says Dr. Nethersole, "but the medical benefits of immunization far outweighs any potential side effects. Your children should be immunized." See your pediatrician for additional information.

JEALOUSY. In a nutshell, toddlers aren't interested in sharing toys, food or parental affection. They are fiercely jealous and territorial, so socially-acceptable means of interaction like sharing and good manners has to be taught early on. Says Guy, "I'm always attaching, `no, thank you,' `yes' and `please' as I'm teaching my daughter how to talk. And when she's playing with other children, I teach her how to share--so she understands that the world has other people in it and there are boundaries of interaction with others."

KINDERGARTEN PREPAREDNESS. According to the U.S. Department of Education, parents can prepare their toddlers for a successful kindergarten future by reading together (which stimulates your child's vocabulary), encouraging your child's independence and enrolling in a quality preschool program.