Objects Of Desire - what women want for Christmas - Brief Article

Ebony, Dec, 2000 by Laura Randolph Lancaster

FOR weeks, I have been getting lots of thoughtful, sincere mail from lots of thoughtful, sincere males. It is truly touching, the way they all want to know the same thing: What do women want?

The best response I have ever heard to that question comes from author Laurence Roy Stains who, after interviewing thousands of women on the subject, co-wrote a book titled--what else?--What Women Want. While Stains admits that he still doesn't have a definitive answer, I am going to quote it here because it contains a whole lot of truth that a whole lot of Brothers need to hear.

"That's a bad question because it's not the real question," Stains says his research taught him about the age-old what-do-women-want query. "The real question is: What does this woman want." By this woman, of course, Stains means your woman, gentlemen. Or the woman you would like to one day hold that position.

As fascinating as the whole what-do-women-want question is, it is not what this column is about--at least in the deep, universal context that it is normally asked. Not because it doesn't need discussing (it does) or because I don't want to discuss it (I do and plan to in an upcoming column). No, the reason I'm not discussing it now is that it isn't what the Brothers who have been writing me want to know. As their letters make clear, what they want to know has nothing to do with the profound, seemingly unfathomable question that Stains talks about in his book. What they want to know right now is a far more practical, far less philosophical variation of that age-old inquiry: What do women want--for Christmas?

Fortunately, that is infinitely easier to answer, although the truly perceptive letter writers among you will recognize that a few of the answers to your question of the moment also apply to the question of the ages. (Note to the newlywed writer: You're lucky your wife didn't throw you out with the Hoover. I don't care how many times she said she needed a new vacuum cleaner, you never give a woman any kind of appliance for any kind of holiday. This Christmas, redeem yourself by surprising your beloved with at least two items from the upcoming list. Make it three and I guarantee you'll have a happy New Year.)

To make sure my answers were top-shelf, I polled several Brothers with well-earned reputations as world-class gift-givers. I'm talking men who are truly gifted with gifts. Next, I ran their suggestions by a group of Sister-friends and told them to choose their four favorite objects of desire. The four that would have them singing "Your Sweetness Is My Weakness" to their honey all year long. Here are their selections--a quartet of dream gifts any one of which every Sister I know would love to get for Christmas.

* A soul-soothing indulgence. Your mission here is not just to chill her out but to bliss her out. You know how men feel about monster-size TVs and courtside season tickets? Well, that's how women feel about a day at the spa and a night in a luxury hotel. She'll want to do the former alone and the latter with you, although you should provide transportation to both. If cash is an issue, give her an inexpensive equivalent--several hours of uninterrupted rest in a perfectly prepared bedroom. Since you're doing this on the cheap, to make it work, you can't just take the kids to the movies and disappear for a couple of hours. You have to do it right. When preparing the bedroom, for example, follow the advice of the maestro of love himself. "Target her senses," advises Barry White. "Appeal to her eyes and nose with dim lighting, candles, and lavender. Sense of touch: a luxurious spread, and lots of fluffy pillows. Add fresh berries and nonalcoholic sparkling wine." Before you leave, give her a foot massage and run her a warm, fragrant bath. Return at midnight with her favorite champagne and dessert.

* Time cards. Not the kind folks punch in and out with at work. These time cards are all about pleasure--hers, not yours. You can't buy them in a store, so you'll have to make them yourself. They can be as simple (index cards with her name and your signature) or as elaborate (professionally designed, drawn and printed) as you like. The intricacy of the cards isn't crucial. What they symbolize--a pledge to give your undivided time and attention whenever she hands you one--is what counts. And when I say whenever, I mean whenever. Even if you're watching the game, and it's fourth and goal. On the one-yard line. In the Super Bowl. In overtime.

* A pricey material indulgence: Like most women, I do believe that simple pleasures--a midnight walk in the park, Sunday morning breakfast in bed, fresh-cut flowers from the garden--are priceless. But there's something about an expensive little bauble that makes a woman's heart quicken. The appeal isn't so much about the item's cost, although it is part of it. But mostly it's about what the sacrifice you made to buy it says to her: It's expensive, but you're worth it. Your purchase needn't break the bank. When making your selection, just think luxury, generosity and quality. Some suggestions: A cashmere T-shirt. A strand of pearls. That black and silver Thunderbird convertible Neiman Marcus is offering in its Christmas catalog. (Just kidding about the convertible, fellas, but you get the point.)