How to deal with the holiday blues

Ebony, Dec, 2002

THE Thanksgiving to New Year season is supposed to be a time of good cheer. But for many, the holiday season is a time of sadness, tears and mounting stress.

This year, with the international crisis and the continuing 9/11 fallout, as well as the shaky economy, the holiday blues will probably affect record numbers of Blacks, especially elderly people living alone and young singles lost in big cities. "Many people have symptoms related to grief and loss," says Sigrid Kennebrew, a counseling psychologist at Emory University/Grady Hospital in Atlanta. "They experience a great deal of sadness and become more lonely, isolated and depressed."

It's important to understand, specialists say, that the bad feelings are probably a symptom of a problem. Experts believe it could be something that is not right in your world--such as grief, financial or family problems or stress at work.

The holiday blues can be a manifestation of all the things that are wrong in your life. In order to prevent and deal with them, you must begin to recognize what is right in your life.

Experts say some populations are hardest hit by the holiday blues. Family, friends and co-workers should pay particular attention to the elderly, the ill, those who are single and live alone and those who have lost loved ones. They are most likely to experience some form of depression during a time when everyone seems to focus on the family and have a fulfilled life.

"That's the most depressing time of year," says Andrea Standback, activity director for the Chevy Chase Nursing Center in Chicago. "Some people are alone and can't get out. Even around Thanksgiving, they start thinking about family and missing them."

That's why it's important to have volunteers spend time with elderly people. By volunteering, people who are experiencing the isolation and sadness associated with the holiday blues can begin to get the attention off themselves and do something to help others. It's a win-win situation for the volunteers and for the elderly. Whether someone comes just to read the Bible to a resident, sing as a small group or pass out gifts, anything is a big help, Standback says. And the reward is great.

"They just enjoy company," says Standback, whose mother and daughter both work at the nursing center, and whose grandmother is a resident. "They're grateful for almost anything."

Another population who may experience difficulty is single men and women who live far away from home. Celerie Gray, a communication consultant who lives in Chicago, is hundreds of miles away from her family in Anderson, S.C. She does get the blues sometimes, and looks forward to the time when she can visit her family at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

A graduate of Northwestern University, Gray also makes a conscious effort to prevent the blues before they start. Not only does she volunteer, but she also spends time with her close network of friends who live in the area.

"I try to go to social events and hang out with my good friends," says Gray. "And part of being single is to give of your time. It's rewarding, and it makes me feel good."

For those who have lost loved ones, the holidays can be especially disturbing, says Kennebrew, whose own father died in January of 1996. And while it's important to remember the loved one and the vital role he or she played in your life, it's also important not to dwell on the loss.

"You should absolutely celebrate the memory and life of that person," says Kennebrew, who has a doctorate in psychology from the University of Georgia. "But you should also set limits on how much you talk about the grief and loss so that you don't wallow in it and alienate others."

10 Ways To Deal With The Holiday Blues

1. Celebrate the present, and accept that change is a normal part of life.

2. Volunteer your time in service to others. Deliver a hot meal to or spend time with the elderly. Help a single mother or family in need make the holiday special. In taking the focus off you ,and bringing joy to others, the holiday blahs can begin to fade away.

3. Understand that you cannot control your family members. Family time during the holidays should be about joy and peace, not about strife and conflict.

4. Eat and drink healthfully. Too much alcohol or the wrong kind of food can cause a nutritional imbalance, leading to decreased energy and more stress.

5. Don't feel obligated to be festive. Know that it's OK to feel sad and that your feelings of depression and loss are valid. Also understand that there is not a quick fix, says Kennebrew. Tell people about your needs by expressing yourself in an open, honest way.

6. To relieve financial stress, know your spending limit and stick to it. It may also be a good idea to come up with gill-giving traditions that don't involve money or excessive spending.

7. Try to find and enjoy free activities. Perhaps your church group has arranged to go caroling. Or maybe your friends are hosting a holiday party. You don't have to spend money or stress out to have fun.

8. Spend time with people who care about you and your well-being. A support system in times of trouble is a key element in coping with the holiday blues.