No place like home - For brothers Only - for Christmas

Ebony, Dec, 2003 by Kevin Chappell

WHAT are you doing this holiday season? The reason I ask is because I talked to a Brother the other day who said that he was going to Bari, Italy, for Christmas this year. "Bari? Never heard of it," I said in response.

"Exactly," he said, explaining that neither have any of his "crazy relatives" he's trying to get away from this year. He proceeded to describe to me in great detail the frustration and headaches that he endures every time he goes home for Christmas. The same old thing every year, he said. The same relatives, talking the same stuff they've been talking ever since he left home and went off to college.

There's the one cousin, he said, who talks his ear off about a foolproof business, and another cousin who talks about becoming a rapper one day. There's one uncle who constantly yells at the TV, and another one who never misses a chance to tell him how "soft" he is. Then there's the joke-cracker, the gas-passer, the foul-mouth and the broke-crier, who is always looking to borrow a couple of dollars.

I told him that I could definitely relate to some of what he was saying. Every family has its share of crazies and loonies. So I told this Brother that I didn't think the things that upset him were reasons enough to give up completely on going home for the holidays. Because while visiting home, especially for an extended period, can be a stressful experience, I believe there is no more special--or enlightening--way to spend the holidays. You see, lost in this Brother's accounts of jealousy, insecurity and just plain disfunctionality were all of the good things about being with family at this time of year.

Think back to your childhood. What I remember most at Christmas was the smell of the tree and the sight of dozens of wrapped gifts under it. I remember the fireplace mantel decorated with Christmas cards. I remember the candy bowl, filled with unshelled peanuts, sticky orange slices and candy corn left over from Halloween. I remember driving around the neighborhood with my parents and being in awe of all of the lights decorating the homes and trees.

Those memories that we hold so fondly are still there. As adults, we just have to look a little harder for them, look past all of the "adult" mishmash that clutters the holidays to see the goodness and wonder that is still there. It means looking past the people who get on your nerves too much, the gifts that you bought that cost too muck the job that you have waiting for you after the holidays that stresses you out too much. It means looking past the traffic congestion that's holding you up, the traffic cop that wrote you up, and your family members that have a tendency to rile you up.

It means clearing your mind, reverting, in a way, to that child of old, the one whose excitement wasn't weighed down by worries and the worrisome. Once you do that, you will see Christmas for what it really is--a peaceful, restorative, holy time of year to get away from the world and spend quality time with the ones you love and the ones who love you.

Because even if you think everyone in your family is as nutty as a Christmas fruitcake, when it's all said and done, they're the ones who will have your back when no one else does. And they are the ones who will be there for you in your time of greatest need--when the closest you can get to Bari, Italy, is the Olive Garden restaurant down the street. So this Christmas, it's important to remember that there's nothing like being with family, and there's no place like home.