Content provided in partnership with
The ebony advisor: expert advice on love and relationships
Ebony, Dec, 2003
Q I had a six-month interracial relationship that ended on very hostile terms. At the time of the breakup, he directed very derogatory words to me (including racial slurs). Several months went by before we even spoke to each other. As of late, we have maintained a somewhat civil and platonic friendship, but he wants what we once had. I tell him that I can never get past that and forgive him for all the bad things that he said to me and about me. He thinks that I should let bygones be bygones and move forward. Should I forgive and forget and try to start an intimate relationship with him again? Please help me with this dilemma.
Nevada
- Most Popular Articles in News
- The Ten Best Laptop bags
- Tata plans cheapest-ever car for Indian market
- GLOBALIZATION AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF UNDERDEVELOPMENT OF THE THIRD WORLD
- Corn is good for you; Corn is not only a tasty treat, but also a cereal that ...
- THE 50 BEST STYLISH HANDBAGS TO CARRY
- More »
A There are a lot of factors to consider here, and only you hold the answer to this dilemma. Before your relationship ended on hostile terms, were there any signs that he harbored racist sentiments? Did you also engage in "derogatory words" and "racial slurs"? How deep were your feelings before the relationship deteriorated? It is obvious that you are still resentful, and rightly so. Intimate relationships are difficult enough without the complexities of the race factor. Search your heart to determine what to do. Might such hurtful racist name-calling come up again? On the surface it appears that this match is not meant to be.
Q I have been dating an old college classmate for about four months. At the time we met again he was involved in a long-distance relationship that was ending. He has since ended the relationship (so he says) and we have been growing closer. We spend a lot of time together and travel every weekend. We really enjoy each other and we have a lot of fun together. The problem is he continues constant phone contact with his ex-girlfriend, and he sees her when he goes home to visit his parents. He says they are only friends, that she is involved with someone else, and that she knows about his relationship with me. My question is: If it is only a "friendship," then why talk to her two or more times a day for hours at a time? I can't get him to understand that this continuing communication with his ex-girlfriend is very unfair to our relationship and to me. Am I being unreasonable?
Virginia
A You are being very reasonable, but use that common sense to see that there is probably more going on here. It is obvious that the relationship with the "ex-girlfriend" is far from over. He's made his decision. He wants to enjoy relationships with you both, and at the same time. You must decide if you want to continue to be a party to this charade.
Q I have had a long-distance relationship with this guy for approximately three years. I've known him for a long time. I really care for him and this year he told me he does not want a commitment, yet we still sleep together. I confronted him and told him I want a relationship. He doesn't, so he walked away. Was I wrong to tell him the truth?
Indiana
A No, you were not wrong to tell him the truth. Three years is more than enough time to determine if you want to make a commitment. You have made it clear that you want a committed relationship. He has made it clear that he does not. You were honest; he was honest. Accept the truth and move on. You cheapen yourself by continuing to sleep with him.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
