Secrets men keep: what your man really wants to tell you

"Because men treasure their women's approval and applause, it's hard for them to embrace the kind of woman who hovers over him to instruct him or improve him," explains psychologist Ronn Elmore, author of Mercy Mercy Me and How to Love a Black Man. "He'd much rather dazzle her by his own efforts rather than because he simply did what he was told. Whenever the relationship becomes a momma/ little boy one, expect the little boy to do what all little boys eventually do, pack up and leave momma."

CAUTION: You must be yourself. Nothing we've said here indicates that you should abandon who you really are. All the men who were interviewed admitted, although reluctantly, that what they want is, in fact, a contradiction: Men want a woman who is a strong and independent go-getter, but they also want a woman who knows how to be soft and cuddly from time to time.

"BE CAREFUL WITH MY EGO, ESPECIALLY IN THE BEDROOM."

Despite the stereotypes, your man is not a sex machine, and he is very concerned about his ability to please you. If, for whatever reason, a night of passion isn't fulfilling for the both of you, you should never, ever, tease him or quarrel with him about it.

Brothers report that unresolved relationship issues (or health issues) can lead to a lackluster performance in the bedroom, and if this happens, the best recourse is to be kind and supportive, explains New York-area psychologist Jeffrey Gardere.

"He's afraid of failing at sex, so please be aware that you must be kind with him," Dr. Gardere says. "Men will get into a situation where they are not able to perform, and then they are freaked out for the next two or three times until they are able to please you--and this happens to almost 99 percent of the men out there. The worst thing you can do is ask, 'What's wrong with you?'

"You must be tender with his ego because from that point on, he will have some anxiety."

"STOP BRINGING UP THE PAST."

You'll remember that gloomy day for the rest of your life; the day you caught him red-handed (doing whatever it was that he did), and you're not going to let him forget that you caught him OR that you were humane enough to forgive him.

So, if you did, in fact, agree to forgive and forget, your man has one question:

"Why do you keep bringing it up?" asks Damon from Long Beach, Calif. "Every time something goes wrong, you reach back into the past, one, two, maybe even five years ago, and try to tie-in my new mistake with what I did back then. It's not fair and it's childish."

Relationship experts explain that some women tend to bite their tongues, and in effect, turn the other cheek to their lovers' transgressions because they want to salvage the relationship. But if the mate's unacceptable actions keep piling up, sure enough, she's going to read him the riot act, loaded with past incidences of bad behavior.

"Sometimes women can't express some of their disappointments, so they choose to stand by their man," Dr. Gardere says. "And they tend to hold on to a lot of resentment after biting their tongue for so long."