Making the switch: from full-time worker to at-home mom - Parenting

Ebony, Dec, 2003 by Nikitta A. Foston

The 7:00 a.m. drive to suburban Atlanta was a guilt-ridden hour for Kimberly Crowson. After dropping her 1-year-old and 5-year-old off at day care, the mother of two would race to her accounting job, then home to prepare dinner for her husband and children--and then get ready to do it all again.

It was an exhaustive process.

There was little opportunity for quality time, she and her husband were constantly stressed, and their children, in their formative years, were seemingly growing up in day care--not at home.

Something had to change.

Last year, after seven years of day care, prayers and deliberation, Darrell and Kimberly Crowson took control over their lives and the happiness of their family in one giant step--Kimberly Crowson quit her job and assumed the role of full-time mom.

"We believed that the decision would be less stressful on the kids

and less stressful on us," says Darrell Crowson, an engineer for Bell South. "As a family, whatever stresses one, eventually stresses the others, and whatever helps one, helps us all."

Now the Crowsons are able to see the impact of their decision on their son Gregory, now 10 years old, Sean, now 6 years old, and their seven-year-old marriage. "My kids are able to come home directly from school. They don't have to spend hours in an after-school program," says Kimberly Crowson, who also has a background in education. "I pick them up from school at 2:30 and by that time, I've already cooked dinner. So they have time to relax, do their homework and spend time with their dad when he gets home from work," she says. "When I worked full-time, there were times when we wouldn't get home until 7:00 p.m. By that time, everyone was tired, rushing to eat and trying to get things done for the next day. There was little time for real inter action. That's all changed now."

In the Crowsons' new lifestyle arrangement, Darrell Crowson is the first to rise. He takes Destiny, the family dog, out for a walk, feeds him and prepares coffee for his wife before leaving for work. His wife, in turn, prepares breakfast for the boys and drops them off at school. "By the time I get home from work, their homework is already done because they've had time to complete it," says the Bell South engineer. "So I'm able to sit down and talk with them about how their day was, what they did or learned and what they are looking forward to the next day. I find out how my wife is feeling, how her day was, and what I can do to help her out."

Helping one another and dividing the tasks equally helps the flow of communication in the Crowson household. "When we first got married, I handled more of the load on a daily basis," admits the mother of two. "But now things run very smoothly, and things are a lot more balanced. Darrell washes all the dishes, does all the ironing, takes care of the yard and cooks at least three times a month, including breakfast every Saturday morning."

With their daily chores split equally, the Crowsons end their evening with an hour of reading with their sons--an exercise which allows them to see the positive results of their decision. "The most rewarding moment for me is after we've finished our reading and the boys are preparing to say their prayers. I look at them and say, 'Look at what we've done. This is another day that we've accomplished something great.'"

That need for accomplishment was, in large part, due to Kimberly Crowson's two-year tenure as assistant director at her son's day care--an eye-opening experience that strengthened her resolve to play a greater role in tier children's lives. "There is a huge problem with turnover [among day care workers] and as a result, many centers are often understaffed and children are shuffled around in order to keep the ratios right," she says. "It simply wasn't a healthy situation for me. But, it was a blessing because it allowed me to see the kind of care that my children received while I was at work."

In her new role as a full-time mom, the former lab instructor and her husband have no regrets. "As a parent, your first priority should always be your children," says Kimberly Crowson. "Don't put work or material gains above the well-being of your kids. Children need time, they need to enjoy their parents, they need to be trained and they need to be educated. That starts at home. Parents are the first teachers."

Darrell Crowson, an Atlanta resident since 1989, agrees with the importance of teaching and encourages parents to build positive relationships with their children's teachers. "Take whatever time you can and establish a relationship with your child's teacher," he says. "If they know that you are involved, they are less likely to overlook your children or let them slip through the cracks."

Maintaining an active involvement in their sons' lives and adhering to a child-centered philosophy has resulted in more quality time for the four-member family, five including Destiny, the dog. "The boys like to play base-ball, catch, football, soccer and tennis. We enjoy bike riding or just walking around the neighborhood as a family," says Darrell Crowson. "We're also movie buffs, so whenever a hot, new movie comes out, we are right there on opening night. Each summer, we do a little traveling or take a vacation as a family."