Try a little tenderness - For Brothers Only - relationship advice - Brief Article

Ebony, Jan, 2002 by Walter Leavy

"WELL, here we are again, at the beginning of a new year, and the popular subject, of course, is New Years resolutions--ranging from how much weight we want to lose to how we'll become a better, more compassionate person to finally doing whatever is we've wanted to do but didn't have the time or courage to do it.

A new year, and all of the resolutions that come with it, represent a fresh start, a lime to reassess your total being --physically, professionally, emotionally--to determine if changes are in order, to see if your life is structured the way you want it to be. And that includes romantic relationships. So for many Brothers, this is the time to seriously evaluate where he and the woman in his life are in each other's hearts.

When all things are considered and a true assessment of the heart is made, it comes down to this: Do they continue in their current relationship or do they adhere to the writing on the wall and finally call it quits?

Now that the curtain has gone up on 2002, this year will mark the end of the road for some couples who, for whatever reason, will decide to go their separate ways. On the other hand, some will pledge to do whatever is necessary to make their romantic situation work. Their resolve is to make a good situation better, and a better one the best that it can be.

To do that can (and in many cases will) require a new approach. And one approach--one that Sisters will welcome with open arms--is for Brothers to consider exhibiting a new level of sensitivity when it comes to the woman with whom he's romantically linked.

The importance of this approach was highlighted in one of the best songs of the mid-'60s. It is a lasting tribute to women everywhere and came in the form of Otis Redding's award-winning song "Try A Little Tenderness."

Redding, an exceptional performer who died much too young, was the epitome of a soul singer. He didn't just sing the song, he made you feel what he was singing. And nowhere is that more evident than it is in his memorable song from the heart. Even now, in 2002--a full 36 years since Otis put his musical signature on that song--the words are just as pertinent, powerful and penetrating as they were when President Johnson was in the White House and the sexual revolution was in the headlines.

   Oh she may be weary
   Those young girls they do get weary
   Wearing that same old shaggy dress
   But when she gets weary
   You try a little tenderness

Otis was right. Sisters do get weary, sometimes waiting for their man to do what he's supposed to do, when he's supposed to do it; and expecting him to be where he's supposed to be when he's supposed to be there.

Redding's advice continues as he musically implores: You've got to hold her, squeeze her and never leave her.

Brothers who know women know that a woman wants to know that she's needed around, that she's the one you think about, that she's the one who holds your heart. A woman wants to be assured, reassured and reassured again. She wants repeated confirmation that she's the irreplaceable love of your life.

In many cases, it doesn't take much to put her heart at ease, to let her know that she made the right choice when she decided to invest her emotions in you and give you the best that she's got. Many men have no idea what it can mean to a woman when her man holds her hand, calls just to say hello or, in his own unique way, lets her know that she's his continuing source of hope and inspiration. Some Brothers might not be aware how their relationships can be appreciably strengthened with an endearing embrace, an unexpected kiss, a bouquet of flowers for no other reason than to let her know that she is desired, appreciated and adored.

Unfortunately, for some men, displaying that kind of sensitivity and tenderness is not the manly thing to do. But being affectionate, considerate and respectful to the woman in your life is a huge part of being a man, especially if you consider yourself to be "a good man." And no matter what your boys have to say, you should know that there's nothing weak about being "weak" for your woman.

In fact, when you think about it, what woman wouldn't become a better woman when she knows that her relationship is anchored on an unshakable foundation, a foundation that gives her an innate feeling of peace and security? All Redding was saying is that the key to any successful relationship is acknowledgment--acknowledgment of the woman with whom you share your hopes, your dreams, your desires. How and when you choose to do that is up to you.

Now that we have embarked on a new year--a time that we routinely revitalize, re-energize and re-emphasize--don't be afraid of the winds of change that whistle by. Instead, accept the opportunity to capitalize on the hopefulness, the understanding, the daring and the unwavering passion that can come with an open heart.

So, Brothers, if you haven't done it already, take heed to Redding's impassioned plea and "Try A Little Tenderness." It could be the most meaningful, most beneficial and perhaps the most achievable resolution on your list,