7 ways to blow his mind - relationships

Ebony, Jan, 2002 by Zondra Hughes

YOU can turn him or her (see the February issue) upside down if you put your mind to it and follow a few simple rules. First of all, make him your special project for the next few days or weeks. Listen to him, talk to him (with your voice, your eyes and everything else). Read the sports pages (if he's a sports fan) or the financial pages (if he's a Wall Street type) or the computer magazines or whatever is necessary to stay abreast of what he's interested in so you can talk to him and discuss the hottest new stock or the difference between a zone defense and a man-to-man defense.

During this time, pay special attention to his fantasies, to the things he is always talking and thinking about. If you want to change his life--and yours--make his dreams and fantasies come true by starting with this short list of seven surefire ways to blow his mind.

1. Give him a `thank-you' present. Take a little time and effort to show your man some appreciation, and he'll be a better man to you from here on out, says Chicago-area psychologist George E. Smith.

"Of the more than 2,000 couples I've counseled, the most common complaint among men is that they don't feel appreciated," reveals Dr. Smith. "When my woman makes a big `to-do' over something that I've done, it makes me want to do more, and it's just exciting. It's exciting for a man to know that he's pleasing his woman."

When selecting a thank-you present for your man, use a little creativity. For instance, if you're a doctor, you can write your man a prescription for love, with unlimited refills. If your man has a habit of fixing things around the house, give him a Home Depot gift certificate. If he's a backyard mechanic, invest in a new pair of overalls for him. Does he need a new tool chest? Is there a specific DVD or video game that he has his eyes on? Would he like to experience a (long overdue) pedicure? Does he need tennis shoes or athletic gear? Does he like to cook but is too shy to ask for your uncle's patented barbeque sauce recipe? Would he like to take music lessons? Does he need a new favorite chair to relax in? Think long and hard about a great thank-you present for your mate; it should reflect your gratitude and knowledge of his needs and wants.

2. Serve him breakfast in bed. Blowing your man's mind all boils down to two things: 1) Doing the absolutely unthinkable for him, and 2) doing it so well that he is inspired to go and tell it on the mountain.

Breakfast in bed ranks high in both categories, says Colorado Springs psychologist Anthony P. Young, immediate past president of the Association of Black Psychologists. "It's unexpected and completely unheard of for a man to have breakfast in bed," he says. "Men are used to being served in the coffee shop, that's where they go to receive some nurturing. It appears to be a lot rarer these days to find women who will go the extra mile to nurture a relationship with their man."

Dr. Smith agrees. "We appreciate the gesture, we are impressed by the act, and that type of attention tells us that we're special. Breakfast in bed is the type of thing that a man can go to work and brag to his homies about. And men love to be pampered."

3. Wear his favorite outfit. Some Sisters absolutely cringe at the thought of wearing that one outfit that drives their man wild. Perhaps it's outdated, or it just doesn't fit the way it used to. Perhaps you don't think that the outfit respects your curves enough. But for whatever reason, he loves to see you in it. Why not play dress-up for your man and wear that outfit, complemented by that hairstyle that seems to put the twinkle in his day, and that your complete look is for his eyes only. Remember, the experts say that it's not the big things that you do that really grab his attention; it's the little gestures that count.

"It's important to honor your own style," advises Ronn Elmore, California-based psychotherapist, minister, and author of Outrageous Commitments: The 70 Vows of an Indestructible Marriage. "But from time to time, give him exactly what it is that he likes. If you want to blow your man's mind, it's about not wearing what he considers funny-looking, or not wearing your hair in that style that he hates. The turn-on is that you're giving him exactly what he lets you know that he likes."

4. Give him a massage. An increasing number of Black women and men have made getting a therapeutic massage a regular comfort. According to the American Massage Therapy Association, 27 percent of all Americans reported having massages in the past five years, but Dr. Young suspects that not many were Black men. "Ask your man about the last time he received a massage, and generally speaking [unless he's an athlete, or an executive who receives massages on the job, or an enlightened holistic healer], Brothers aren't accustomed to getting massages," he says. "Your man wants to be able to connect with you through touch, and to come home to his woman's loving fingers will completely blow his mind."

Be sure to create an environment that will steal him away from the stresses of the world. There are a number of Black shops that specialize in aromatherapy, so go in and ask for candles, incense and scented oils that would be pleasing to him--not you. Once you set the mood, administering the massage is the easy part; ask him how he needs to be caressed, and just follow his lead.