Day-Care Dilemma

Ebony, Feb, 1999 by Nicole Walker

Few subjects fill working mothers with as much dread as child care. Words like harrowing, crazy and frightening always seem to find their way into any conversation on baby-sitting and day care. Dawn Benjamin of Chicago, whose 4-year-old daughter; Christine, has been enrolled in day care since the age of 2, knows firsthand the ordeal few, mothers escape. "Sometimes it has been an experience from hell," admits the 32-year-old administrative assistant for Ernst & Young. "When Christine was in her early 2s and 3s, a lot of people just couldn't deal with her. She would get into a lot of accidents at school and confrontations with the other kids."

Benjamin recalls the anxiety she felt the first time she left her little girl at the day-care center. "I was thinking, `Is she going to be okay? Are they going to treat her right?' I think that goes through every mother's mind," she says.

Naturally, such thoughts loom large on the horizon of a mother's psyche, especially when nightmarish news of murderous nannies, pedophilic childcare providers, and general mayhem and neglect in day-care centers dominate daytime talk-shows and nightly newscasts. "Choosing child care is one of the most difficult choices for parents these days," says Melinda Green of the Washington, D.C.-based National Black Child Development Institute, "especially because there's so much media attention given to some of the horrors of child care, that parents really worry about making the wrong decision." Although Green, who serves as the national director of the African American Early Childhood Resource Center, adds that the actual incidence of abuse in child-care settings is relatively low, statistics alone won't soothe a mother's fears.

What will ease some of the stress surrounding day care is becoming an informed parent and taking certain steps to make day care less of a dilemma and more of a delight for you and your children.

Day Care of Motherly Care?

An increasing number of mothers with young children are in the workforce, some out of financial necessity, others for personal aspirations. In fact, Green says that 65 percent of women with children under age 5 are working mothers. Which means that somebody has to "mind the babies" in mommy's absence. But some working mothers feel guilty about leaving their children in day-care centers or with a baby sitter. They believe that they are depriving their' children because they can't be with them during the day to nurture and bond with them, to watch them change and grow. Adding to this guilt-trip are the ongoing studies and debates on whether children of working moms fare worse in the long run than children whose mothers stay home to raise them until they reach school age.

"For a long time it was generally thought that children should be cared for by their mothers," Green says. "And I'm sure that's optimal for most. But the latest research suggests that children in child care--if it's good child care--do just as well as their peers who don't [attend child care]. So that argument has sort of been laid to rest."

What seems to have a greater impact on children's development is not merely the number of hours a mother spends with her children, but how she spends that time. Benjamin, who works full time, says that she and her husband, Roy, a 44-year-old paralegal for Brothers & Thompson, compensate for the time they're away from their daughter during the day by having "a good family relationship in the evening." They discuss what Christine learned in day care, and if they get a good report from her teacher; they'll have a special treat for her when they pick her up from the center.

Find Child Care That Meets Your Needs.

Perhaps the most stress-inducing part of the day-care dilemma is the search itself. Some mothers are lucky enough to have grannies or girlfriends who don't mind minding their children. But if you're like many women out here, your family and friends probably have their own jobs and lives and can't lend a helping hand when you need it. And so you find yourself enlisting outside services.

Cost and convenience usually are the primary factors many mothers consider when exploring day-care options, and for good reason. Day care can become a pricey undertaking. Although day-care costs vary by region and by age of the child, the U.S. Census Bureau reports that the typical Black working mother with a child under 5 spends about $240 monthly for child care. And the location of day care also matters, since mothers need a place that's close enough to home or work in case of an emergency.

Yet some mothers don't look beyond cost or location when selecting day care. Benjamin admits that she chose her daughter's first day-care center based on convenience--it was located in their apartment building. Experts say that while convenience and affordability certainly play roles in your decision, examining other, more intangible factors, such as teaching styles, methods of discipline, and the training and background of teachers and staff, can make the difference between a pleasant, or painful, child-care experience. Knowing your family's needs and wants makes it easier to find day-care workers who share your philosophies on teaching and raising children.