7 ways to blow her mind - interpersonal relations

Ebony, Feb, 2002 by Zondra Hughes

YOU'VE read the Black romance novels and I you've watched the romance classics. You watched Denzel Washington turn up the heat in The Preacher's Wife, and you studied how Taye Diggs helped "Stella" get her groove back. You've sent flowers, candy and just about every perfume ever sampled by the human nose, but you haven't managed to get this/close to blowing the mind of that special lady. What do you do now?

Doctors of love say there are at least 7 things you can do to deliver a bolt from the blue and trigger your mate's desire to reciprocate the romance (that is, if she hasn't initiated the mind-blowing process with the 7 tips from last month's issue). Be prepared: The wing guidelines may unexpectedly create vibrations you can't handle.

1. Take a day off and give her some "me time."

On one fine Saturday morning, let your lady's five senses wake up to a totally new experience. Intrigue her sense of touch with a gentle kiss on the forehead. Next, tickle her nose, and tantalize her taste buds with the smell of oven-fresh cinnamon rolls and freshly brewed coffee. Rejuvenate her weary eyes with the sight of a sparkling clean house. And most important of all, arrange for her ears to hear silence--no screaming children, no scampering pets, no blaring television, and no ringing phones. Leave your queen a note on the pillow, bathroom mirror, or refrigerator door informing her of your whereabouts, and telling her that this block of relaxation time was the least that you could do to show your appreciation.

If your schedule is twice as hectic as your sweetheart's, you may need some help. Send her to a 4- or 5-star hotel for the entire weekend, where she can slip into a plush robe, order room service, sip champagne or fruity spritzers, watch first-run films, and even get the spa treatment.

2. Give her a "thank you" gift.

It doesn't matter if you've been dating your lady for 15 months or if you've been married to her for 15 years, she still needs to be reminded that you appreciate her, says Connecticut-based relationship expert Darlene Powell, co-author of Friends, Lovers and Soul Mates: A Guide to Better Relationships Between Black Men and Women.

"Most [Black] women feel overwhelmed, overextended, overburdened, and unappreciated," says Dr. Powell. "And many times, the resentment doesn't come from our workload or responsibilities, but from feeling as if we're not valued or appreciated by the men in our lives. It's important for them to tell us and show us that we're appreciated. If a man can do that, he can really blow a woman's mind."

Select your thank-you gift with discrimination. It shouldn't be the run-of-the-mill glassware set (unless, of course, she really likes shiny, new dishes). Instead, the gift should be a reflection of her uniqueness and your one-of-a-kind relationship. Some thank-you gifts may cost a little more (i.e., top-of-the-line dishwasher that operates without waking up the newborn) while others may cost practically nothing. You can call just to say: "I love you," or you can make an audiotape explaining to her, in great detail, everything that you adore about her and why she's the love of your life.

One Chicago mother was given the gift of chivalry--her husband began washing her car every weekend and filling the tank so that she wouldn't have to risk spilling gas on her work clothes. This same husband began opening doors for his lady, and taught their younger sons to do the same.

3. Give her a facial and a foot massage.

Renew and replenish your woman with a gentle touch that lets her know that she's loved, cared fro, and that she's worthy of special care, says New York psychologist Cynthia Grace, owner of a Harlem spa. Dr. Grace says it's especially important for men to care for their women because, regretfully, many Sisters don't feel worthy of caring for themselves.

Dr. Grace offers a few instructions for treating the woman in your life from head to toe:

"Invest in some scented candles and turn your bathroom into a mini spa by drawing a warm, luscious bubble bath. There are various bath milks on the market that are very relaxing; some spa favorites are gardenia and lilac-based scents. Next, give her a facial (let her select the face cream she wants you to use.) The face carries a fair amount of tension, and the massage relieves stress and is very soothing to her. Gently rub her scalp, temple and earlobes."

Finally, soak and massage her feet. Dallas-area aroma therapist Paula McClure, spa owner and author of the Mood Spa Diet, suggest that you help your mate put her best foot forward with a pecan peppermint sugar scrub, or similar foot scrubs that leave her feet feeling rejuvenated and silky smooth.

McClure recommends that you tailor your aromas to suit the mood that you want to put your lady in. For example, cinnamon is used to reduce stress and improve circulation; jasmine is a mood enhancer; ylang-ylang loosens tight muscles and is considered an aphrodisiac; lavender is great for balancing and healing; chamomile calms the skin; and eucalyptus soothes sore or tired muscles.