Valentine's Day is a two-way street - Sister Speak

Ebony, Feb, 2004 by Lynn Norment

A friend and I were talking about spouses, dating and gift-giving when the conversation turned to February 14. "Why is it that women always seem I to think that Valentine's Day is only about them?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I responded. Of course, I knew.

"Valentine's Day is about celebrating love, but women seem to think it's about men buying them jewelry, flowers, candy. It's a two-way street. But women don't see it that way."

I protested and he conceded he really meant "most" women, not "all" women. But this caring, sensitive man was adamant in his view that men get short-changed when it comes to Cupid's big day.

His viewpoint stayed on my mind through the holiday season, and I have to admit that he might be fight. Women I know seem concerned with what their man is doing for them; few appear to give much thought to what they do for the men in their lives.

"I let him take me out," one friend said of last Valentine's Day, gesturing with an arm adorned with the diamond bracelet her husband gave her that evening.

Another woman confessed that she gave her sweetheart a "real nice card." After I quizzed her further, she admitted he had sent red roses to her office (women love getting flowers at the office; it's like a badge of honor).

All this made me think about my male friend's view that women are self-centered when it comes to Valentine's Day, in addition to birthdays and anniversaries.

If you are one of those Sisters who think that Valentine's Day was created for women to get more presents, reconsider that notion. Like love, Valentine's Day is a two-way street, not a one-way alley. And it's I a perfect time to show the man in your life that you love and appreciate him just as much as he loves and appreciates you.

And, as my male friend reminded me, it's not about how much you spend. Like women, men want to I feel special and they appreciate a gift from the heart. Nobody knows your man like you do (we assume), so use that intimate knowledge to come up with something really special you can do for him.

"Experts" tell me that sexy lingerie is still a surefire sinner, I mean winner. Put away the flannel pajamas and find those sexy items you might have forgotten. When your sweetie comes home or arrives for a visit, greet him in your Valentine's Day outfit. Several male and female acquaintances say this is the perfect time to don your (and his) fantasy attire, wigs and all.

While still in your special outfit, serve him a candlelit dinner, just the two of you, complete with wine or champagne, if you prefer not to cook, pick up something or order in. However, serve your dinner on your good china. (who are you saving it for anyway?) If your sweetie likes to eat out, make reservations at a restaurant you know he will enjoy, and request a quiet corner.

After your romantic dinner, you might want to run a warm bath and treat him to a body scrub. Then rub his body in scented oil. You don't have to be a massage therapist to make him feel good.

If you have the means, surprise your honey with a nice present. But keep in mind that money is not the issue here. That snazzy watch or bracelet he's been admiring would be fine, but so would a new CD by his favorite artist. Or that DVD he's been talking about. If he's into golf plan a special golf outing (even if you hate the greens). Or send him flowers--to his office. Brothers love that, too.

The bottom line is that selfish Sisters must realize that Valentine's Day is not just about them. It's about expressing love and appreciation. In fact, that love should be demonstrated on a daily basis, not on just one day. So regardless of what else you might do, even if you do nothing else, tell your sweetheart that you love him and appreciate all that he does. That will help to keep the love flowing.