Dual-career couple teaches together: the Harpers balance coaching and parenting together - Parenting

Ebony, Feb, 2004 by Nikitta A. Foston

THEY were college sweet hearts. They are best friends. And they share a 10-year marriage, two children and the passion for coaching.

At Community Preparatory School in Providence, R.I., Candace Harper is the coach of the first-ever cheerleading squad and her husband, Marquis, is the football coach. Together, the couple imparts wisdom, knowledge and the value of hard work to each of their students. It is a belief system that mirrors their parenting style to 8-year-old son Marquis Jr. and 5-year-old daughter Aquila.

"Being in the education field has made me more thoughtful as a parent," says 6th-grade teacher Marquis Harper, 32. "While growing up, it was usually, 'Do as I say,' because a child's opinions wasn't really valued. But now, I see the advantages of a child being able to say, "This is how I feel about something," without that expression being viewed as back-talk or being disrespectful. I want my children to be able to talk to me about anything."

That process does not begin in adulthood, experts say, but rather, in childhood, starting with an agreement between the parents. "You have to be in agreement about what you're going to do for your children," says Candace Harper, 32, who coaches at two schools in the area. "When you have agreement, you have power because you are working toward the same common goal. You have to agree on what's important, what sacrifices will be made, so that ultimately, your children reap the benefits of that sacrifice."

In the Harper household, agreement has helped them to maintain balance, communication and a shared responsibility for the parenting duties. "I get the kids up, get them dressed, make breakfast and get them on the bus," says the wife and mother of two.

While that process makes for a busy morning, Marquis Harper, football coach and 6th-grade teacher, says, "The evenings belong to me. I pick the kids up in the afternoon, and I take them to football practice with me. After that, we come home and do homework. I cook, the kids take baths, we pray, and I put them to sleep," he adds. "The goal is to get them in the bed by 8:30 so that my wife and I can relax, share some quality time, find out what happened in our classes thai day, and create a common plan for tomorrow."

This continuous exchange has allowed the Harpers to maintain their marriage, as well as their duties as football coach and cheer leading coach, respectively. With enthusiasm, school spirit and a solid work ethic, the dual-career couple, with backgrounds firmly planted in sports (Marquis coached basketball, football and softball, and Candace started cheering in 5th grade), offer a wealth of experience to their student athletes.

Despite their ability to balance, to teach and to coach, the young couple admits that there are challenges. "As much time as I spend with my children, there's so much more that I want to do," says the former college football player and coach. "But it's a matter of prioritizing on a daily basis and making yourself available to the people who need you most--your family."

Creating that quality time is a primary concern for the East Coast couple who take advantage of summer vacations, weekends, and lunch together on the school campus. "As teachers, our schedules are fairly the same, and the same as our kids, so that is a huge advantage," says the cheerleading coach. "So, we take advantage of every opportunity to spend time together. We always try to take the kids to the places they want to go and whenever the weather is good, we're outside, in the park or riding our bikes. We're always doing activities on the weekends, and on Sundays, we're in church together."

After 10 years, the Harpers, who look forward to expanding their family in the future, credit a good working relationship, a healthy dose of humor and an unyielding faith for keeping their marriage strong. "Faith is important," says Candace Harper. "When you have faith, you have the foundation to build your family. Faith empowers you and enriches you. We teach it to our children and we try to live by it each day."