For Brothers Only - relationship tips - Brief Article

Ebony, March, 1999 by Walter Leavy

25 THINGS BROTHERS SHOULD BE SAYING TO SISTERS

FOR thousands and thousands of Brothers --from all walks of life, with differing values and representing a wide range of ages--it is, perhaps the toughest thing in the world for them to do. It requires no physical exertion, no particular skill and no special preparation. But when it comes to saying a few tender words to that Sister who's supposed to be such a special part of his life, that, for many Brothers, becomes a task of herculean proportion.

It's amazing how something that's seemingly so simple to do is so difficult for some of the strongest, successful and otherwise confident men. When it comes to the woman in their life, some Brothers simply can't --or won't--bring themselves to tell her how they feel about her: Others find it just as difficult to acknowledge her self-worth or confirm her continuous, valuable contributions to their successful relationship.

There are at least two distinct types of men who fit into this category. First, there's the Brother who exhibits his feelings for that special woman through a variety of deeds, specifically designed to please her. He recognizes how important she is to his existence, but he can't bring himself to verbalize how much he appreciates the way she enhances his life, strengthens his resolve and continues to be the wind beneath his wings. To actually say how he feels, he says, is "just too mushy."

TV's Archie Bunker was a good example of this type. He loved his wife Edith dearly and, despite his brusque exterior, he appreciated her efforts of support and concern for his well-being. But whenever he tried to say how he felt about her, it was like someone was squeezing his throat to keep the words from coming out. Edith frequently had to fill in the blanks for him, coming up with her own words, then asking him if that was what he intended to say. With embarrassment written all over his face, Archie simply and sheepishly responded routinely with an almost inaudible "yes."

The Brothers who choke up like Archie Bunker probably outnumber those in the other group, which includes Mr. Macho--the classic big, silent type who views practically any romantic notion as an act of unmanliness. For him, the politics of being a man means he has to disregard any inkling of his natural romanticism, sentimentality and sensitivity.

Most men know that two of the most important things that women say they want and need in a relationship are affection and romance--and that includes the man telling her, in no uncertain terms, how he feels about her. She doesn't want to suspect, hope or assume; she wants to hear him say something--anything--that will uplift her, inspire her, sustain her.

With that in mind, it seems that any Brother who is involved in a loving, meaningful and enduring relationship should, at some point, find a way to verbally reassure his mate, companion or significant other. Whether what he says is romantic, complimentary or a simple recognition of what the Sister brings to the relationship, any woman would love to hear the following 25 phrases rolling off the lips of the man in her life:

1. I love you.

2. I just called to hear your voice.

3. Is there anything I can do to make things better?

4. You look nice today.

5. Did you lose some weight?

6. You complete me.

7. I missed you.

8. No matter what happens, we will get through this together.

9. Our kids just don't know how lucky they are to have you as a mother.

10. Enjoy your night out with the girls.

11. I'm sorry.

12. You did a good job.

13. I need you.

14. If that's what you really want to do, I'm behind you all the way.

15. I'm proud of you.

16. Let's go out tonight.

17. God must have spent a little more time on you.

18. Whenever you're frustrated, depressed, confused or feeling that the whole world is closing in on you, remember that I'm here for you.

19 I'll take the kids with me; you need a break.

20. You were right; I was wrong.

21. I trust you.

22. Did you make an appointment to get a mammogram and Pap smear?

23. I don't care what anyone says, I know I couldn't have done it without you.

24. Thank you for being the woman that you are.

25. If they turned the clocks back, I'd marry you all over again.

Making a woman feel like a woman and reassuring her that she's your woman are the most powerful ingredients in an incandescent love relationship. Remember, Brothers, there is extraordinary power in the spoken word. So if you have a woman in your life who has changed your life, then start to speak up!