10 Ways to Feel Like A Woman

Ebony, March, 2000 by Kimberly Davis

AFRICAN-AMERICAN women in the new century face continuing pressures, ideals of success and definitions of womanhood. Facing these challenges is never simple, and that can make it even easier to forget who you are--a woman. At these high-stress moments you should sit back and reaffirm your woman-ness. It's about self-esteem and self-awareness and feeling good about the woman you are.

"What I'm excited about, living in this particular moment in this culture, are all the many ways [women] can be women," says Sarah Willie, assistant professor of sociology at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania. "I find it really exciting that girls can aspire to choose from so many jobs and have so many career possibilities."

Seattle-based author Julia A. Boyd agrees that these are good times. "Being a woman is most glorious. I revel in my woman-ness and celebrate it quite a bit, and will probably go on celebrating it," says the writer, who's also a psychotherapist. "When I look at our foremothers, what they had to do for us to get us where we are, and what we are doing for our daughters of the future, I'm really proud of that. I think it's a very special place, a very special time for us."

Feeling like a woman, says author Barbara Eklof of Atlanta, is not just about being traditionally "feminine." It's a reaffirmation that what women do is important and essential. It's building and maintaining self-esteem, and, every once in a while, being selfish and doing for you.

Whether you pamper yourself with a day at the spa or meditate daily on what being a woman means to you, the following 10 activities are ways to help you feel like a woman and help you realize there's more to being a woman than the absence of the "Y" chromosome.

1. A day at the spa

Manicure, facial, pedicure, massage, mud bath. You can have it done or do it yourself. These sensual and aesthetic pleasures are designed to make you forget life's problems and focus on yourself. Invite your mom or your daughter to join you and make feeling pampered and pretty a family affair.

2. A night out--or in--with your Sister-friends

Pop the corn and rent a movie, or take in a new play with your best girlfriends. Boyd has a Sister-circle with whom she connects over pot-luck dinners. They help remind her that she's not alone.

"We just sit around and talk and laugh; we just enjoy each other. It's a way of our validating each other," says Boyd, who is the author of In the Company of My Sisters: Black Women and Self-Esteem. "We have an intrinsic need to bond and that often happens within our Sisterhood. More than likely we need validation and support from Sisters in like circumstances."

3. A romantic evening at home

Remind your mate or partner how unique and special you are. You can plan it, or suggest that your significant other make all the arrangements. Strawberries and champagne by candlelight or a special dinner for two. Don't forget the flowers; they'll help set the mood. If you're single, what's stopping you? Plan your own special dinner.

"I'll eat a candlelight dinner alone on a Wednesday night, with soothing music playing in the background," says Eklof, author of For Every Season: The Complete Guide to African American Celebrations, Traditional to Contemporary. "Delighting all of your senses by calming scents, lovely sights, soothing sounds and the glorious touch of something fabulous is salve for the soul."

4. Go shopping for something special, and top it off by treating yourself to dinner or dessert

Don't break the bank. Use money set aside for a pick-me-up or a rainy day. What's in your closet that makes you feel like a woman? For New York author and single mother Linda Dominque Grosvenor, the answer easily comes to mind.

"Silk really does it for me -- whether it's a silk blouse or a silk scarf. I just like the feel of silk," says Grosvenor, who wrote the forthcoming novel Like Boogie On Tuesday. "What I also like to do is go out to dinner."

5. Exercise and leave the house

Taking a hike and working out at the gym are times when you can meditate on your life as a person--and as a woman. The hour or so that you spend exercising is a great time to think about what being a woman means to you.

6. Candlelight bubble bath

The candlelight casts soothing shadows and scented bubbles and bath salts are truly a key to relaxation. Boyd and thousands of other women say it's a sure way to get the job done, especially after a grueling workout or a difficult day or week. If you also have a busy family life with kids and a spouse, it's a great way to carve out some time for yourself. "Right now, I'm into aromatherapy. I'm just loving it to death. I have my scented candles; I have my pampering bath; and I really savor those moments--my quiet time," Boyd says.

7. Get a makeover or new hairdo

Throw out all the old makeup and hair rollers; it's time for a new look! Go to the make-up counter at your local department store and let professionals give you a new face. A new lipstick, eyeshadow or blush can change your whole look. Or, if you're feeling really adventurous, get a make-under. Try a softer, more natural look. For the hair, tell your stylist you want to try something different, not drastic, but different. Then, when you get home, practice, practice, practice the new look until you get it right.