How To Be Good To Yourself

Ebony, March, 2001

Some simple indulgences can give you a new lease on life

YOU'RE a woman on the go, with a demanding career and an even more demanding family. Your days are spent answering phones, meeting deadlines and playing the usual headgames required to ascend the corporate ladder. Your nights are filled with preparing meals, checking homework, catering to your children, listening to your mate and preparing yourself and your family for the next working day. Your eyes--the windows to your soul--are tired. And slowly but surely your whole body is sliding toward a total meltdown. You've come to realize a disturbing truth: True energy is created through a steady diet of relaxation and physical rejuvenation. In other words, it's time for you to make time for yourself.

"We give, give, give and at the end of the day, we fall out," says Paula McClure, owner of the Mood Spa in Dallas. "If we don't break the cycle we will not be as effective in helping our family and other people. First, we have to fuel ourselves and fill ourselves with positive energy; then we'll have more energy to give to our families."

It all begins with making a simple commitment to yourself: One hour, at least once a week, strictly for pampering.

But in order to be good to yourself, you must know that you're worthy of being pampered. New York psychologist Cynthia Grace, owner of the Cynergy Spa in Harlem, says many Sisters don't feel worthy of pampering themselves. "We are the caretakers of the universe, but when it comes to taking care of ourselves, we see a little conflict," Dr. Grace explains. "Black women need to adopt a range of ways of making ourselves feel better. Pampering is the best anti-depressant that I know."

Start with this exercise: Stand in front of a mirror and take note of all of the things you admire about yourself. Do you have a smile that can melt an igloo? Do you have curvaceous hips like Vivica A. Fox, or legs like Tina Turner? Whatever your goods are, point them out to yourself often. (Feel free to ask your mate what he likes most about you, too; you may have overlooked something.)

Next, make an appointment with yourself and keep it. Admittedly, some Sisters may consider time-stealing to be a selfish crime, but you likely owe it to yourself. On occasion, every Sister should indulge in the total spa experience. In the meantime, with just a few easy steps, you can create a spa sanctuary in your own home. McClure suggests creating an area in your home that is free from distraction. "This should be a place for you to meditate, do yoga or write your thoughts in your mood journal," she says.

Now retreat to your spa sanctuary and prepare to pamper yourself from head to toe.

Your Crowning Glory

A beautiful hairstyle should frame your beautiful face. You should strive to keep your hair healthy--no matter what hairstyle you wear. If you wear a weave, avoid hair glue (which can damage your natural hair) and choose braided weave styles instead. African-American hair tends to get dry and brittle, therefore you should consult with a licensed stylist about the best conditioner and scalp treatment for you. If you wear your hair in a braided style, be careful not to braid your hair excessively tight around the edges. The American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) states that because African-American hair is unique in its shape and structure, certain styling techniques can lead to a loss of hair around the edges (known as the "baby-hair" area). This is common among Black women due to frequent, tight braiding, overprocessing, wearing tight rollers, or tightly pulling the hair back often. If breakage occurs, the AAD recommends changing your hairstyle until your hair grows back.

Saving Face

Your face is the first thing the world sees. But what exactly do they see? Is your skin as dry as the Sahara, or as oily as the Texas drilling fields? Are the wrinkles and fine lines slipping up on you, threatening to reveal your true age? Whatever the case, there are some quick-fix tricks that can have your skin glowing almost instantly.

To tighten your pores or diminish the appearance of fine lines, try a homemade cryotherapy treatment. The International Spa Association's version of cryotherapy uses frozen products on the skin's surface to produce a constricting effect on skin tissue and muscle mass, thereby creating a "lifting" of the areas to be treated.

For the at-home version of the treatment, first, apply moisturizer to your face and neck. Then, put ice into a plastic bag and gently rub it all over your face and neck in a circular motion for two to three minutes. This tones the skin and reduces the appearance of fine lines. To revitalize dull-looking skin, give your face a one-two punch of hot and cold sensation. After you've cleansed your skin, take two washcloths, one soaked in hot water (as hot as you can take it) and the other in cold water. Hold the hot cloth to your face for one minute and then switch to the cold cloth for 10 seconds. Do this three times. This causes capillaries to contract and expand, which improves blood flow, tone and color. (If you have sensitive skin, this method is just as effective using gentler temperatures). Now your face is primed for your makeup.