No more drama - Sisterspeak - improving the quality of life - Brief Article - Column

Ebony, March, 2002 by Lynn Norment

MARY J. Blige's poignant title song from her hit CD No More Drama has been percolating in my consciousness, and my unconsciousness as well, for weeks now. Its bluesy, rhythmic beat and heartfelt lyrics have been reverberating, syncopating and reminding me of how drama dominates (and ruins) so many lives.

In her usual earthy, streetwise style, the R&B diva convincingly sings about how she wants "no more drama, no more pain." She's had plenty, to be sure, just as many Sisters have. Mary J. admits in interviews that she's had her bouts with drugs and with men--and that equals drama. Other female entertainers have had their share of drama. Consider Whitney, Janet and Mariah, as well as Vanessa, Tina, Gladys and Aretha. Lil' Kim and Whoopi are walking, talking drama. Talented newcomer Alicia Keys acknowledges that she's had her share, in the music business and in her personal life.

Celebrity and regular Sisters deal with drama at home. Drama at work. Drama at school when meeting with a child's teacher or principal. Drama in the grocery store, at the sorority meeting, at the club, in the restaurant. But Mary has come to a pivotal point in her life, a juncture that compels her to declare "No More." Not today, not tomorrow, not ever again. Like Mary J., more Sisters must decide we've had enough.

Keep in mind, however, that there is such a thing as good drama, the kind that evolves when your man, unexpectedly, gets down on one knee, takes your hand in his and asks you to marry him. We don't want to abolish that kind of drama.

Or the romantic drama of your mate surprising you with a trip to the Caribbean. That's good drama. Or when your boss calls you into his or her office, and instead of firing you or chastising you for some misdeed, you get promoted or rewarded with a great perk. Good drama. Or the drama that erupts when you win big in the lottery or at the casino. That's the kind of drama that most of us want to keep coming.

Then there's the bad drama. The kind that erupts when your mate gets physically, verbally or psychologically abusive when you don't comply with his commands and demands. No more drama. No more pain.

The kind of drama that blows up when you confront your man about his other woman (or women)--again. Enough of that. Assess the situation, decide what you must do, and then do it. If that means moving on and leaving the man and the drama behind, so be it.

There is the kind of drama that seeps into your life when you make your pilgrimage home to see your mother or visit your sister, or that you encounter at family gatherings because there is a particular cousin who has annoyed or even hated you since you were kids playing games at granddad's house. You are supposed to be adults now, so don't continue to let such negative drama ruin family gatherings. No more.

Then there's the drama that engulfs you in your work place and space because you don't like your boss or a particular co-worker does not like you. Use common sense and leave that negative drama outside. Do your job and do it well, exhibit maturity and professionalism as you work through the personality conflicts. No more drama, please!

Keep in mind that some people, women included, seem to like drama. They provoke and evoke it; they thrive on it and connive to create it. They eat, sleep, walk and speak it. Drama queens and kings want to be the center of attention; they talk the loudest, tell the most outrageous jokes, flirt shamelessly with other people's mates and dates, dress flamboyantly or outrageously, and complain that everybody and everything else is "dull." They demand attention and aren't satisfied if there is no ruckus going on. Sadly, some often are mentally unstable individuals who often are characterized by substance abuse, whether that is alcohol or drugs. They usually harbor a lot of personal insecurities that manifest themselves in unpleasantly dramatic ways.

Some dramatic Sisters even provoke others, including their men, with loose lips and hips, trying to generate an emotional response; and when they get what they ask for, they are the first to cry foul and proclaim they are being abused and misused. Sometimes they even call the authorities, and that brings into your life and home drama of another kind, and you certainly don't want that kind of drama.

An accomplished professional woman recalls the handsome man she considered marrying. But he had accumulated too much of everything--too many out-of-control kids, too many pets, too many cars and rooms in his big house, and too much debt. Too much drama.

Another recalls a suitor who had so many insecurities and issues she felt retained and drained. Drama king.

Sometimes the mate or potential mate has too many friends and family members meddling in, his life. Too many people giving him advice, setting his agenda, demanding his time. Leave him and his drama behind.

Then there's the "good man with potential" who was always changing jobs, sometimes by choice, other times by force. After being supportive through five jobs in 18 months, one hardworking, stable Sister decided to terminate the man and his job drama.