How to tell if he's cheating

Ebony, March, 2005 by Zondra Hughes

* He suddenly becomes critical of you and compares you to others.

* He develops an interest in new things, hobbies or even foods.

* He can't look you in the eye when you ask him pointblank, "Are you having an affair?"

Cheating on the Internet is just as serious as cheating in the flesh, despite the common belief that there are no victims when married partners engage in virtual sex while chatting with others online, according to Pennsylvania-area psychologist Kimberly Young, author of Tangled in the Web.

"I've discovered that people were getting hooked on the Internet the way people are addicted to drugs or alcohol," Dr. Young tells EBONY. "There are many stories of Internet infidelity that I've come across, and every couple's definition of cheating is different; some people believe that chatting on the Internet isn't cheating until they are at the point when they cross that boundary and they are going to meet the person.

She continues, saying, "A major sign that the online relationship is getting out of control is when the spouse is spending so much time around the computer that he doesn't go out with the spouse any more."

According to relationship experts, these are the common signs of an Internet affair:

* He is spending an inordinate amount of time on the Internet, especially time that used to be spent with you.

* He abruptly stops typing or turns off the computer in your presence.

* Your mate does not like to check his e-mail in front of you, or if he keeps multiple e-mail accounts.

* He has several unexpected meetings with people you don't know.

* Your mate regularly visits dating sites on the Internet.

* There are unusual credit card charges from unknown Internet merchants.

Getting to the truth online is going to be a lot harder nowadays.

One company supplies realistic alibis--complete with supporting documentation--for straying spouses; and a host of Internet companies sell computer software programs that promise to erase every site you visit, every file you open, and every person you've ever e-mailed for good. Which also means that perusing your lover's old e-mails, or monitoring their online chats and downloading activity may be a thing of the past.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE: How to Catch a Cheat (If you want to)

It used to be that most Sisters--blessed with the sixth sense of smelling a lie before it even tumbles out of a man's mouth--were quite adept at knowing, feeling, smelling, or sometime even predicting exactly when a partner has his good eye on someone else.

And for many, outwitting a cheating mate is a badge of honor, as Sisters have become quite industrious at getting to the bottom of things.

Renee * of New Jersey suspected that her husband was slipping out of the house during the wee hours of the morning as she slept, so she dumped dry copier ink at the entrance way seconds before the couple settled for bed.

"I destroyed the mauve carpet," she laughs. "But you should have seen the look on his face when I pointed out his set of black footprints returning to the bedroom."