How to tell if he's cheating

Ebony, March, 2005 by Zondra Hughes

(Renee's husband admitted to the fling, and the two are currently in marriage counseling).

Jackie * of Tallahassee, Fla., was unnerved by her boyfriend's constant mentions of a particular co-worker. She reprogrammed his cell phone so that it bypassed voice mail and automatically picked up whenever he received a call. On one Friday afternoon, Jackie called his cell phone at work and got an earful--all without his knowledge.

"They were in his cubicle plotting how they were going to get away from us [their respective mates] for the weekend," Jackie says. "I was hurt as hell. I didn't mention a word about it until he came home from work that evening. And sure enough he told me this long sob story about how his grandmother being ill and he wanted to spend the weekend with her like he used to do as a little boy. I said nothing. He went away for the weekend, and when he returned on Sunday night his possessions were waiting for him on the front porch."

(Jackie * and her bad-boy beau have since broken up.)

Women can rest assured that for every new tool that's on the market to assist your mate in his quest to run around on you, there's another tool on the market to assist you with busting him out.

DNAPlus.com offers what it calls the "5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit" that is sure to be a hit with those Forensic Files and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation buffs out there. The kit claims to detect invisible traces of sexual activity in your sheets or articles of clothing, even if he uses a condom.

If all else fails, you can always hire private eyes and a television crew to follow a suspected cheater. Not only will you expose him as a liar, you can also dump him on national television. The reality television series Cheaters does exactly that, five nights a week.

During the first half of the 30-minute show, suspicious mates have their suspected loved ones followed by private eyes--sometimes even outfitting their own bedrooms with surveillance cameras. During the second half of the show, the jilted mate confronts the cheater in the act of committing some of the most outrageous acts of infidelity.

INFIDELITY: The Aftermath

So, you've unearthed the cold hard facts that indicate that your mate has been unfaithful. Now that you know the truth, it's time to determine if your union is worth saving, and if it is indeed salvageable, suggests New York-area matrimonial lawyer Robert Stephan Cohen, author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Essential Tips to Remain Together from a top Matrimonial Lawyer.

"The natural reaction of someone who's been cheated on is to vacillate between wanting to stay with their partner and needing to leave," he notes. "Once you've made a decision, you have to let your partner work to regain your trust despite your natural reservations. You have to take a leap of faith and believe in your spouse's ability to be faithful."

Conversely, if you do decide to separate, Cohen warns that your decision should be a well-thought-out one, not a quick reaction to the injustice at hand.