What if you were a woman? - For Brothers Only

AS it has been for millions of years, relationships between men and women have at times been a virtual tug-of-war, fought on different fronts with both sides desperately trying to protect their territory. And in doing so, it's no wonder that--human nature being what it is--couples, and those who are looking for love, assess the possibilities and sometimes question who really has it better in the game of love--men or women?

Whether it's because of societal dictates or other influences, most men (some citing financial responsibility) say they have more at risk, particularly early on because women are in the traditional role of accepting or not accepting their advances. But women protest that the whole dating scenario is no less ego-deflating for them, primarily, they say, because the man usually gets the ball rolling by making an evaluation of the woman's desirability--or lack of it.

Who has the upper hand is a matter of perspective, one that appears to be divided--as expected--just about equally along gender lines.

There's no way to determine a definitive answer, but the idea has generated some thought that could prove beneficial in how men view and respond to the women with whom they share their lives.

Black men, while making your case on who has an easier go of it in the dating and mating game, did you ever think what it would be like to live life as a woman? They say you never really know a person or what that person has to go through until you walk a mile in their shoes.

So if your imagination allows, perhaps you can put yourself in a woman's pumps and consider how you would be affected by situations women face often while they either look for love in this era of dating or they try to maintain already-established relationships.

* If you were a woman, how would you cope with (if you believe in traditional procedures) having to wait patiently for a man to ask you to dance, to go on a date, to get married?

* If you were a woman, how would you feel if, after being pursued relentlessly by a man who claims to be "all that," he--without hesitation or reservation--pushes the check to your side of the table after dinner?

* If you were a woman, how would you deal with a situation where a Brother expresses serious interest in you, asks for your telephone number and doesn't call when he says he will--or doesn't call at all?

* If you were a woman, would you tolerate a man who disrespects you, dismisses you and treats you like your only purpose in life is to please him?

* If you were a woman, would you continue to be victimized by the horrors of domestic violence (physical and verbal) or could you muster enough courage and self-esteem to realize that no one deserves such abusive, devastating treatment?

* If you were a woman navigating the dating waters during the so-called Black male shortage, would you feel any guilt about having to go to "the other side" to date White men (and others) because, in your view, the pool of eligible Black men is just too small or "virtually non-existent?"

* If you were a woman, how would you handle it if your man finally came home at 2 a.m., reeking with the fresh smell of Safeguard when you know that the only soap in your home is Dial?

* If you were a woman, what would you think about having to cook, clean, take care of the children and keep the household running--while holding down your own job--but the man in your life never pitches in and never acknowledges your resolve, dedication and continued contributions?

* If you were a woman, how long would you invest your heart, soul and future in a man who won't commit to marriage, even though your long-term relationship is being played out under one roof and has produced children who, experts say, are more positively affected if they are associated with the sanctity of matrimony?

Brothers, after taking that short, imaginary trip through womanhood, you can put your own shoes on again and then consider this question: Are you an honorable, loving, reliable and supportive man who treats a woman the way she's supposed to be treated, or are you an insensitive, indifferent, inconsiderate character who creates the burdens that women have to bear?

Just a little something to think about.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group