Grace under pressure - Sisterspeak

Ebony, April, 2003 by Lynn Norment

AMONG the most stressful events in one's life are the death or illness of a loved one, changing jobs, selling a house, buying a house, moving, marriage, divorce, and discovering that your spouse is cheating. In a matter of hours I experienced three of these pressure-filled, life-altering events.

I survived an extreme stress attack. Again.

Stress is an unavoidable consequence of life, but the trick is in how you handle it. And not all stress is the kind that makes you feel as though you are about to implode. Some stress is good. Increased stress leads to increased productivity, and provides interest and excitement that motivates you to greater achievement. Yet there is a limit to the amount of stress that we can handle. Some people handle pressure gracefully. Others shut down, act out and can't function. Still others go into hyperdrive and erupt.

Years ago, when a sudden illness threw my family into crisis, a close relative lashed out at me. "Just look at you," she snarled. "Everyone else is falling apart, but you are so calm. Don't you have any feelings?!"

I glared and stared, then walked away. It was not the time to fight, not at the hospital anyway. She was fragile. What she didn't realize was that I, too, was on the edge. We just handled the pressure in different ways. She smoked, drank and became angry; I ate junk and became quiet and introverted.

Some therapists believe that how we as individuals deal with stress is an innate quality, a personality trait. We are the way we are. Some people are high-strung, some are more even-keeled. Some fly off the handle and lash out in times of stress, others turn inward and pray and meditate. Some, like the Angela Bassett character in Waiting to Exhale, get sweet relief by doing something daring and crazy (though not everyone would argue that burning her two-timing hushand's belongings was crazy).

When I think about stressful limes, I reflect on a trip to Africa many years ago. I was accompanied by a girlfriend who had never been out of the country or traveled anywhere without a man. Everything was fine until we were bumped from our connecting Paris-to-New York flight. Being young and foolish, we had spent our cash and the one credit card between us was maxed out. At a security cheek point, my friend broke down in a fit of tears. I wanted to grab her and shake and slap her, like they do in the movies. I resisted the urge and, instead, dragged her by the arm to yet another gate of rejection. That was stress personified. And it was not pretty or graceful.

We've all seen entertainers whose personal lives and careers have disintegrated around them because they could not handle the stress of success. There are executives who fall or jump off the corporate ladder because the pressure up top is too intense. All of us experience the stress of hectic jobs, aggravating or unfaithful spouses, crying children, unruly teens, aging parents, and so on.

Most of these pressure-packed situations are not even our fault. Accept the fact that stress is an uncontrollable part of life, and learn to handle it more efficiently so that it does not disrupt and corrupt your style and flow and health. Stress and tension take a toll on the body and contribute to depression, fatigue, aches and pains, crying spells, sleep disturbance, anxiety attacks, thyroid gland malfunction, digestive track ailments, higher blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, skin rashes and decreased resistance to infections.

The best way to combat stress is with a positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and a diet rich in whole grains, vegetables and fruit. Excessive caffeine, alcohol and tobacco only exacerbate stress. Meditation and prayer ease it. One stressed out executive I know well says she relies on "prayer and exercise" to help her endure the "incredible pressure" (job pressure coupled with turmoil in her family) that engulfs her world.

Take a look at the factors in your life that contribute to stress. When possible, delegate and relegate, and then eliminate nonessential tasks. Do not take responsibility for another person's actions or lack of action. You have your own life to deal with. Learn to say "no" and make time for things that you enjoy, things that relieve stress.

And always keep in mind these sage and seasoned words of advice: "Grant me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference."