5 mistakes that may be keeping you from the altar

Ebony, April, 2005 by Zondra Hughes

"A woman desperate to make it to the altar is not necessarily a bad thing if she meets a guy with the same timing," Dr. Agee explains. "However, if there is any difference in ideal time, any man is certain to flee."

MISTAKE NO. 4

You're too cynical.

Realistically, if you've been in a bad relationship or two (or even 10), there are probably some very good reasons why you've become a bitter woman. But if you're actively looking for Mr. Right, your anger, cynicism and overall animosity toward all men may be working against you, according to relationship therapist Audrey B. Chapman. She suggests that you take inventory of yourself to uncover the true source of your bitterness before pursuing a relationship.

Chapman also believes that some women fall into four love patterns: The pity-partygoer, a woman who feels sorry for herself all the time and is bound to engage in relationships that keep her sad or angry; the boomerang, a woman who returns to the same relationship over and over; the detective, a woman who is constantly searching for that perfect man who will be enough to fulfill all of her needs; and the picky picker, a woman who finds a suitable man and then jumps at the chance to pick him apart piece-by-piece.

If your love behavior falls into one of these categories, Chapman cautions that you may not find a successful relationship any time soon because "you've probably got a big bad attitude standing in your way."

HINT: For some Brothers, nothing is more refreshing than a kindhearted and optimistic woman, according to actor Hill Harper, co-star of television's CSI: NY. "I've dated women who bring you down," Harper tells EBONY. "Men like a woman who approaches life from the stance that the glass is always hall-full. I desire a woman with a sense of joy, who has a passion--whatever it is--and who also has a relationship with God. Ultimately, what a lot of us seek in a partner is someone who elevates the quality of our life."

MISTAKE NO. 5

You're excluding worthy candidates.

Pauline, an entertainment attorney (and a fitness buff who could easily moonlight as a swimsuit model if she so desired), always knew exactly what she wanted in a husband: He had to have a white-collar job, excellent credit, no baby-mama drama, the face of a supermodel and the body of a Black Adonis--and there would be no exceptions.

Yet after her fourth bad relationship, Pauline grew tired of playing love games with the pompous pretty boys and the wild wannabe executives. So Pauline allowed her girlfriend to hook her up with her cousin Ray, a construction worker, and a nice guy. When Pauline saw Ray face to face, she realized he wasn't her ideal type--not rich, not gorgeous, not athletic, but Pauline eventually realized (after a few dates) that Ray was a good man who knew how to treat her right. (And he could cook).

"If you would have told me six years ago that I would be happily married to a short, overweight bowler, I would have laughed in your face," she says. "But I love this man ... and he loves me."