Mama used to always say - For Brothers Only - Brief Article

Ebony, May, 2002 by Kevin Chappell

AS we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day this month, I would like to pose a question: What's the most important thing your mama ever told you? It's a question that some folks can answer easily, and without much hesitation. But for others, including myself, the question may be as hard to answer as mother is to define.

After all, how do you narrow down to one sentence the contribution of a woman with such wisdom and prudence and understanding and common sense? How do you decide what one thing your mother said to you in your lifetime that had the most profound impact on your life?

Most mamas become legends in the eyes of their sons because of the unconditional love they show and the advice they give. Got a problem? Go to mama. She's got the answer. And if she didn't have the cure for our quandary, she always had something in the medicine cabinet of her mind that would at least soothe the pain.

Through academics and athletics, relationships and friendships, our mothers have offered priceless counsel to us for every situation--good and bad--at we've found ourselves in. And a mother, by her very nature, never stops teaching, never considers her baby boy too old, too educated, too successful to drop some old-school, down-home knowledge on him.

Many times that knowledge came in the form of sayings that she would use, sayings that she had picked up from her parents, or through simply living life. These sayings became a part of our lives, words of wisdom that through the years have stayed fresh in our minds. From kindergarten to fatherhood, and every point in-between, we would refer to these phrases time and time again to help us maneuver through the ups and downs and pitfalls of life.

It didn't matter if Aesop or Socrates, King or Shakespeare, Truman or Franklin first coined the phrases. They never used them as effectively as mama did. She was the ultimate phrase flipper, clause constructor, the only person in the world who knew exactly what to say and when to say it.

It was mama who first told us that worrying never changed anything, because what's done is done. And it is only because of her that we know how to take the bitter with the sweet, to never say never and that a will and a way are the ultimate running buddies.

It was mama who set us on the right path by encouraging us to set high standards for ourselves. She raised us to be winners, while at the same time, preparing us for our inevitable disappointments in life. "You can't win them all" was one of her favorite sayings. "Nobody's perfect" was another.

Our mothers gave us courage by telling us that if we ventured nothing, we would gain nothing, and that we would get out of life what we put into it. She gave us humility when she told us, "What goes around, comes around" and "you win some, and you lose some."

It was through mama's words that we learned that we couldn't get blood from a turnip (or from a stone for that matter), that money doesn't grow on trees, that a square peg can't fit into a round hole, that a silk purse can't be made out of a sow's ear, and that we can't have the milk unless we buy the cow (that's my wife's favorite).

It was mama who told us to keep an upper lip that was stiff, a mind that was open, a chin that was up, our head about ourselves, our nose to the grindstone, our eyes on the prize, our conscience clear and our friends close, but our enemies closer.

It was only through mama's words that we learned it takes two to tango, one to know one, and that six of one is the same as a half-dozen of another. It was mama who told us not to change horses in midstream, never look a gift horse in the mouth, never put off until tomorrow what can be done today, and never bet our money on another man's game. Oh, and her classic: "Never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you."

Stay with me. It was mama who told us that it's easy to kick a person when he's down, and easier to start something than to finish it. She would also tell us that if we couldn't say something nice, then don't say anything at all; if we couldn't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen; if we want something done right, then do it ourselves, and if we wanted to hit the mark, we must aim a little above it.

She taught us that every cloud has a silver lining, every man has his price, every picture tells a story, and every dog has his day. Through mama's repartee, we learned to live and let live, to live and learn, and that sometimes it was good to just leave well enough alone, and let sleeping dogs lie.

At some point in every son's life, mama suggested that he go back to the basics, go back to the drawing board, go back to square one, and go back to the salt mine--not all at one time of course. With mama, we knew we couldn't have our cake and eat it too, and that no one was going to give us anything. Or as she put it: "You've got to earn respect."

Although at the time we didn't understand everything she was saying, it didn't matter. If mama said it, it was the truth--because mama said it was. And while we now know that life's answers can't always be found in a catchy phrase, the many sayings mama expounded were just the unpretentious guidance we needed then when our problems were relatively simple--and continue to appreciate now in our more complex world.