Atlanta attorneys try their biggest case: career vs. family - Parenting - Georgia

Ebony, May, 2003

IM Jones-Snipe, former Chicago public defender, swore that she would never date lawyer, but the chemistry between her and Sheldon Snipe was unmistakable. One year later, they were married. Now, after nine years of marriage, the successful couple is practicing law, raising a 3-year-old son, and learning that they are still best friends. "As soon as I saw him, the Lord said, "This is the man I've chosen for you,'" says Jones-Snipe of her husband and soul mate. "I absolutely knew it from the first moment."

But how can two lawyers with two demanding careers, endless responsibilities and one preschooler hold their family together? "It's a matter of setting priorities," says Snipe, a labor and employment lawyer who is responsible for 2,000 billable hours per year at a large Atlanta law firm. "I work hard, but I don't live to work; I work to live. When I leave the job, I try to leave as much of it behind as possible. Sometimes, that's hard to do, but I try not to let it take away from quality time with my family."

Jones-Snipe, an environmental law attorney with the federal government, says that sharing the same profession with her spouse helps the flow of communication within the household. "We really have compassion for each other," she says. "He understands my stress if I've had a difficult day dealing with clients or adversarial situations with opposing counsel. We speak the same language, we share the same lingo. He doesn't have to explain to me what he's gone through. I clearly understand."

That common understanding of lifestyles and priorities soon led to discussions about beginning a family and the best ways to adjust their demanding schedules. "We knew that we wanted to start a family," says Snipe. "We knew that there would be some adjustments, so it was just a matter of determining how we were going to do it."

Jones-Snipe recalls those pre-parenting discussions with her husband. "We talked a lot about how we would manage it, what we would do and how we would work out our time frames," she says. "Communication is the key in deciding how to parent before you actually become a parent."

Walter and Karen Weakly, founders of Weakly Marriage & Family Enrichment in Houston, say that Jones-Snipe and Snipe are on the right track. "A couple has to sit down and develop a vision for their family, not just a goal for their career," says Walter Weakly. "You have to decide, `What do I want my family to look like?' Once you have that vision, you have to set goals to fulfill that vision."

In carrying out the vision for the Snipe family, Jones-Snipe became a part-time worker following the birth of their son, Bradley. Now, with Jones-Snipe working 32-hour weeks, the Snipes have found a routine that works for them. "I'm really blessed to have the type of job that allows me to work part-time, handle my caseload and maintain my family," says Jones-Snipe, who handles multimillion-dollar toxic clean-up cases. "For us, the part-time option was the best situation."

Creating balance in their household, the Snipes say, is the result of following a parenting schedule where Snipe has responsibility for mornings and his wife has responsibility for evenings. "My husband gets Bradley up, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, washes his face and puts his clothes on. I'll prepare breakfast and have it ready for them," says Jones-Snipe. "My husband drops Bradley off at school in the morning and I pick Bradley up in the afternoon. Then, I cook dinner, and Sheldon gets home later and joins us. If Bradley wakes up in the middle of the night, Sheldon will get up and nurture him back to sleep. It's a true partnership."

That partnership promotes balance between the parents and keeps 3-year-old Bradley smiling. However, despite their common interests, shared professions and parenting goals, the Snipes admit that the partnership isn't always easy. "We're both pretty opinionated," Snipe says. "But because we care enough about each other, we can agree to disagree. I think our differences actually add to the health of the relationship. I would be skeptical of a relationship where both sides agree on everything all the time."

Long-term happiness, experts say, is a combination of communication, respect, acceptance and creating time for family. "Spending time with your spouse or your child is not just a matter of making the time," says counselor Walter Weakly, "it's a matter of making that time, quality time . that's most important. Couples must make family a priority and emphasize those things that pull together and uplift the family as a unit."

In maintaining the unity of their family, the Snipes begin with taking inventory of what is most important. "We have to ask ourselves, `What do we really want out of life?' and then work to make that happen. We have to plan our work and then work our plan," he says. "It's a matter of setting priorities, remaining vigilant and moving toward a plan of success."