Mamas and baby-mamas

Ebony, May, 2007 by Michael Eric Dyson

A disturbing trend has gripped Black America: Young Black males love their mamas, but often loathe their "baby-mamas?' Of course past generations of Black males lauded their mothers while enduring tensions with their girlfriends and wives. It's natural that occasionally men verbally spar with the women they love--even their mothers. But it is the public character of these bitter disputes that has made them especially chilling among Black males.

One of the reasons Black males are vocal about conflicts with the mother of their children is that they're often young when fatherhood comes calling. Teen fathers may lack the maturity to handle their beefs in private. As a former teen father with a turbulent first marriage--a union that was forged after my girlfriend became pregnant--I know firsthand how arguments between young parents can slip easily into public view. Fortunately, I had a caring father and a pastor who counseled me not to resolve domestic differences on the sidewalk.

Today's young Black males often face such challenges without fathers or mentors who model healthy behavior. This increases the likelihood that Black males will repeat destructive cycles of relating to the mother of their children. But there are circumstances that worsen the plight of young fathers and mothers, including the impermanence of their relationships, poor choices in partners, inferior education, poverty, and a crumbling floor of economic and employment opportunity. No wonder young Black parents turn on each other. But the way young Black males lash out at young mothers is all the more depressing.

To be sure, the assault on young Black mothers is fueled by the sexism and misogyny that riddle mainstream and minority culture. It is an ancient practice for men to blame women for their ills. It is equally troubling for men to hold to a double-standard when it comes to the rearing, nurturing, loving and protection of children. This hypocrisy blares when Black comedians note how young Black mothers shirk their responsibility to their children when they leave their kids at home alone or with questionable caretakers. But these comedians offer little criticism of the males who either abandon their brood or show little regard for their families at all.

Such moral contradictions existed long before rap music. Still, it must be admitted that hip-hop culture has offered a bruising amplification of such painful domestic tendencies. There is a great deal of mother love among hip-hop artists. In "Dear Mama" Tupac Shakur summarized his mother's flaws and virtues in a single phrase: "And even as a crack fiend mama/You always was a Black queen mama."

But for every paean to motherhood, there seem to be 10 songs that insult, dismiss, harangue, berate and degrade young Black women who are lovers and mothers. The artists who draw such demeaning portraits of young women often ignore the contradiction that snares them: praising their mamas, slamming their baby-mamas. The relentless rhetorical attack on young Black mothers in hip-hop spreads vicious myths and stereotypes about young Black mothers. It also sadly reinforces their social fragility.

We need more mature young Black males to speak up about the accountability of young Black men to their families. We also need more critics of the social obstacles that keep young Black males from acting responsibly toward the mothers of their children. And we certainly need healthier visions of young Black mothers in Black popular culture.

Older Blacks can encourage an uplifting view of Black mothers by supporting and mentoring younger Blacks in their relationships. And we must convince young Black males to treat their baby-mamas with as much love and respect as they give their mamas. Then Mother's Day would be much more meaningful and memorable.

BY MICHAEL ERIC DYSON author, scholar and motivational speaker