New Rules For Moms & Dads - changing parental roles

It is a concern few fathers fretted over a generation ago. For answers, many modern fathers are turning to the church, which some say has played a key role in defining the new parenting ethos. "There's a trend among more affluent African-Americans toward greater church involvement," says Thomas La Veist, professor of health policy and sociology at Johns Hopkins University. "What we're seeing along with that is men in churches talking to each other about things besides sports and cars. They're talking about parenting and parental responsibility and I think that's having a positive impact on parenting as a whole."

In fact, while mothers have traditionally been the chief churchgoers and spiritual shepherds in many African-American families, men are assuming that role more often these days. "I'm the one who tends to be a bit more involved in all the church activities," says Chris Conanan. "And I'm seeing that a lot among guys I know. The church has become a big part of the lives of many men, and that does have an effect on parenting."

The courts have also recognized the parenting paradigm shift and are awarding more fathers custody of their children when marriages or relationships dissolve. Many of these single dads find their initial immersion into solo-parenting to be a bit daunting. "At first I was overwhelmed," says Calvin Gladden, of Randallstown, Md., who took full custody of his 11-year-old daughter, Aleesha, and 9-year-old son, Kyle, following his divorce eight years ago. "I didn't have a lot of experience dealing with little kids before I had never even changed a diaper," says Gladden, 38, the director of business services at Gloucher College in Baltimore. "And now here I was doing everything for my children."

You can see signs of the changing roles in other corners of society as well. "Eight years ago, when my son was an infant," says single dad Fred Brown of Chicago, "there was no such tiring as a changing table in men's restrooms in public buildings. It used to tick me off. I'd be on the floor and under the sink trying to change diapers. But now, almost everywhere you go, the men's rooms have changing tables. It's like they're finally realizing that dads are involved in parenting too."

That realization reflects the overarching shift in our thinking about what moms and dads are supposed to do with regard to the care and nurturing of children. It is a shift that many say will benefit society tremendously in the long run. "While the ideal family situation is still to have two parents who play off each other's strengths," says the University of Kentucky's William Turner, "it is not important that those parents assume roles based on traditional stereotypes. In fact, to have both mothers and fathers showing strength and tenderness, and to have both involved in nurturing and discipline, is a very healthy and positive situation."