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What Does It Take To Be A Great Father? - Brief Article
Ebony, June, 2000 by Kevin Chappell
WHILE it doesn't receive the attention, or even the respect, of its female counterpart, fatherhood is possibly the cornerstone of the African-American family. Filled with love, lessons, values and virtues, the father/child relationship is a complex mix --part hero, part disciplinarian, part teacher. Through his actions and words, a father can have an immeasurable impact on the life of his or her child.
But what separates a father from a great father? It's a question author Jonathan P. Decker asks several well-known and successful African-Americans in his book Great Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood (Adams Media, 2000). Leaders in their fields, they offer surprising and thought-provoking insight into the many ways their fathers have influenced their lives.
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Martin Luther King III, president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, says he remembers his father's lessons the most. "Daddy preached in church many of the same lessons that. we learned at home," he says. "First and foremost, we were taught the `Golden Rule'--that one should treat your fellow human being as you would want to be treated. In addition to that, we were taught to honor our parents and to love our neighbors. The greatest commodity in our home was love."
Then there's the New York Yankees' Derek Jeter, who calls his dad his "best friend" and says he goes to him often for advice and opinions. "I know he's going to be honest with me," Jeter says. "I trust him."
Olympic track and field gold medalist Gail Devers says her father helped her develop self-confidence by letting her set her own goals. "He never pressured me to run track and field," she says. "It was my decision and he encouraged me. At track meets, other parents boasted that their children were going to be lawyers or doctors. Dad simply said, `Gail will give her best effort whatever she decides to do.'"
A great father need not have a flair for the dramatic, only a desire to do the small things--to be there for the family, to be a pillar of strength, a seeker of truth, a provider, someone who loves his wife and encourages his child to strive for the best, and to settle for nothing less.
Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. cherishes the fact that his father instilled in him the idea that no matter what he wanted to be, he had a calling that was higher than his own personal ambition. "If I wanted to be a doctor, that wouldn't be enough. I should aim at being Surgeon General, where I could be concerned with health care for everybody," he says. "The idea was to get in a position where we could help the most people."
Grammy-nominated singer Brian McKnight says the biggest thing his dad instilled in him was to have pride in his work. "Dad always said, `If you aren't going to try to be the best, then don't try it at all,'" McKnight says. "This attitude applied to everything that we did. I apply that lesson to what I do now. The focus that I have in my life is all because of how he treated us when we were small."
Being a great father is about instilling wisdom, strength and the right values in an impressionable child before someone else is successful in instilling the wrong values.
Baseball home run king Hank Aaron says what he respects so much about his father was "his values and that he wanted so much for his children. He stressed upon all of us the values of hard work, honesty and respect for others. We grew up in an atmosphere in which we believed in the Bible."
The Los Angeles Lakers' Kobe Bryant says his father never set limits on what he could and could not do. "My father never gave me just one path to go down in life," he says. "It was always my decision. [My father] had complete faith in my abilities and what I could do. He used to tell me, `You can do anything that you put your mind to. There are no limits.' This instilled in me a tremendous amount of confidence."
Franklin Raines, chairman and CEO of Fannie Mae, says his father instilled in him loyalty, responsibility and perseverance. FCC Chairman William Kennard said his father "wasn't the sort of father that made me feel like I was being pushed. Instead, I always felt like I was being counseled."
So who says fathers aren't vital to a child's growth and development? Certainly not these successful Brothers and Sisters. Great adults almost inevitably have been fortunate enough to have great fathers, or great father-figures in their lives. Something to think about if you're a father struggling to understand the importance of your position, especially if you sometimes get cast aside in the eagerness of some to praise others.
While men can and do have a tremendous impact on a child's life, it continues to be chic for some to cast "today's fathers" in a negative light. But as men, we cannot let the criticism and lowered expectations get us down and discourage us from giving fatherhood all that we have. Perhaps the most important lesson men today can learn from the great fathers of yesteryear is that fatherhood is not a popularity contest. It's an extremely self-fulfilling, and most times, tireless position, but one that is possibly the most important--and rewarding--experience any man can have.
COPYRIGHT 2000 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2000 Gale Group
