Necessary Knowledge - electronic mail piece offers advice about life - Brief Article

Ebony, June, 2001 by Laura Randolph Lancaster

IT has clearly struck a nerve with Black women all across the country. Sisters everywhere are talking about it. In the space of five days, in fact, six different Sister-friends have sent it to me. And then called me up to dish about it. "It" is a wise and wonderful e-mail making the rounds on personal computers everywhere.

In the old days, when nobody knew what the Internet was, let alone how to use it, we had another name for the kind of missive so many Black women are e-mailing one another. Back in the old days (read: the 20th century), we called it a chain letter. Though I haven't received one in years, I can still recall its two most distinguishing characteristics: (1) Its author was always unknown and; (2) it always promised to bring you good luck--but only if you copied it and mailed it to friends (the number was usually five don't ask me why).

As far as I can tell, the 21st century version hasn't changed all that much. Like its "snail mail" counterpart, its author is still unknown (a crying shame if ever there was one since this one is so well-written the author deserves mad props!). It still promises to bring you good luck. But instead of telling you to send it to five friends, today's version instructs you to: "Send this to three women and you will have good luck for an entire day. Send this to six women and you will have good luck all the year." I guess five is so 20th century.

Today's version also gives you a nice option that the chain letters of old never did: Not to pass it on--without consequence, penalty or threat of bad luck to follow. "Just know that you are thought of by the friend who sent this to you and that she only wishes the best for you," this hot new e-mail tells readers who choose to do nothing but read it and delete it.

So because I only wish the best for you, dear reader, I'm going to reprint this wise and wonderful missive here. Not all of it or even most of it. Just parts of it. The parts that made every Sister I know take a long hard look at her life. And reflect on what she needs to do to (choose as many as you like) improve it/change it/advance it/recover it.

First, however, you need a little background. The portion of the e-mail causing most of the discussion is about necessary knowledge. Specifically, what every woman should know. For every part of the e-mail I've reprinted, I've added the thoughts/comments/ideas of The Sister Circle--a group of smart and savvy Black women I've known most of my life who, trust me, know a thing or three about necessary knowledge.

The recommendations contained in the e-mail are in bold; the recommendations of The Sister Circle are in italics. As you read them both, remember that neither is meant to be the ultimate, defining, be-all, end-all, for-all list. On the contrary, like Black women's lives, it is a work in progress. So think about the list, talk about the list, have fun with the list. But most of all, let it inspire you to create your own.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

... how to fall in love without losing herself.

... how to stay in love without losing herself.

... how she feels about having kids.

... how to raise them to be responsible adults if she decides she wants to.

... when to try harder, and when to walk away.

... when to say yes and when to say no--and the wisdom to know the difference.

... how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend.

... how to have a good time alone.

... how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it.

... how to say no when she's asked for something she isn't prepared to give--without guilt or apology.

... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

... that she can change the length of the hair, the width of her horizons, and the nature of her relationships.

... that her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.

... that her adulthood may not be perfect, but it's up to her to create the life that makes her happy.

... how to live alone, even if she doesn't like it.

... the difference between being alone and being lonely.

... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.

... to whom she can give her heart, to whom she can't, and why she should take it very personally.

... where to go--be it to her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods--when her soul needs soothing...in a day, a month and a year.

...where she wants to be--be it in a house or out of debt/school/a bad relationship--in a day, a month and a year.