Who pays for the wedding? - Money Talk$ - Brief Article

Ebony, June, 2002

HE popped the question, she said yes, and now they are getting married. That's the easy part. More difficult for many couples is organizing the wedding and deciding who will pay for what. Whether you plan to jump the broom at your childhood church or on a beach in the Caribbean, there are many steps you can take to combat the rising cost of weddings to ensure that your special day is as hassle-free and enjoyable as possible.

The first step is to prepare a budget to determine exactly who will pay for what. In the traditional American wedding script, the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom's family covers the honeymoon. But times and money have changed; now there are almost as many wedding budgets and financial wedding plans as there are couples eager to tie the knot.

Though weddings don't follow the same script, there are three popular approaches to financing the big day. The first is a continuation of the traditional approach: The parents of the bride and groom assume all wedding costs. The wedding was unofficially considered the bride's special day, so her family paid the bulk of the wedding bills, including the reception. In most cases, the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. Some families still follow this tradition, especially if the bride is a younger woman or still lives at home.

But a changing society has changed the way parents and their offspring deal with the high finances of saying "I do." Many parents, for example, abandon the traditional rules and split the wedding costs evenly down the middle. In other cases, the more affluent parents, even if they are the groom's parents, pick up most of the expenses.

A third and increasingly common approach is for the bride and groom, especially those who are older, to pay the wedding expenses. This is becoming the most common solution, especially since both men and women are marrying later and often have jobs and careers. When a California advertising executive decided to marry in a lavish outdoor wedding, she and her physician groom paid for everything themselves. "I would have felt foolish asking Mom and Dad to pay for my wedding," she says.

"People are getting married later in life," says Harriette Cole, author of Jumping the Broom: The African American Wedding Planner. "Many women have already left their family homes; they are independent and making money ... A lot of times, parents will contribute, but they are not responsible for the wedding."

Before a couple ask their parents for financial assistance, they should do their planning and budgeting first, and then be specific about their needs. In some cases, they may ask parents to assume responsibility for a particular wedding expense. "When a couple decides to get married, the two of them need to define what kind of wedding they want to have and what they envision their wedding to be," says Cole. "Next, they should talk about what resources they can bring to the table. Then, they can ask for their parents' blessings and speak frankly with them on whether they will be able to contribute."

That's exactly what one 30ish couple did before they were married last spring. Both had finished college and were working in different cities. The bride planned the wedding in her hometown, and her parents helped cover the expenses. The groom's parents contributed money to cover the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon.

Neither the couple nor the parents are obligated to pay expenses for the wedding party. Each bridesmaid and groomsman is expected to pay the cost of his or her wedding attire, as well as transportation and lodging. Have a heart-to-heart talk with those you want to be in your wedding, and let them know what is expected and expenses involved. If someone can't afford the expenses, give him or her a graceful way to bow out. If you really want that person to be involved and can afford to, offer financial assistance.

Planning The Right Moves

The real work usually comes in planning the ceremony and reception. A professional wedding or event planner can handle many details, such as finding an appropriate facility and hiring a caterer. A savvy wedding planner should be able to recommend price-range options on all aspects of your big day, from wedding gown and shoes to attire for the wedding party to flowers, catering and gifts for your guests. "With all of the elements that go into having a successful event, having a professional enables you to feel at ease," says Cole. "A competent event coordinator can negotiate better rates for you and make sure your contracts are adequate."

If you hire a wedding planner, it is important to remain actively involved. Work with the planner to ensure that all are on the same page and that deadlines are met.

Regardless of whether you hire a professional planner, there are cost-saving strategies you can use to lower your wedding expenses. Consider getting married on a day other than Saturday, which is the most popular day to wed. Cole had her wedding on a Tuesday morning, which significantly limited her guest list, she says, and in turn saved her money on catering and other expenses. Another cost-saver is hiring a deejay rather than a band to entertain at the reception. You may also ask a creative friend or family member to visit a flower wholesaler and make the floral arrangements rather than hire a florist. If you cannot afford a wedding lunch or dinner, consider hosting a dessert-and-champagne reception.