How To Protect Your Child From BULLIES

Ebony, July, 1999 by Nicole Walker

Experts say that parents must teach children nonviolent ways to defend themselves. For example, children can thwart a bully attack by simply saying in a calm, but strong voice--without crying or whining--that they aren't going to let anyone abuse or intimidate them. It also helps for children to tell bullies that while they don't want to fight, they will defend themselves. By verbally standing up to bullies, children send the message that they aren't afraid, allowing them to maintain their dignity without coming to blows.

To build children's confidence, experts encourage families to do some role playing at home. The parent can pretend to be the bully and the child can practice what he or she would say during an encounter.

Teach your children how to walk away. Even the most eloquent, strongly spoken words aren't always enough to prevent abuse at the hands of a bully. In those cases, children need to know that it's not cowardly to walk (or even run) away, especially when it's a potentially dangerous situation. Children also need to know that there is no shame in being seared.

"At one time you might just get punched in the face," Dr. Benoit recalls about bullying in past decades, "but now you can get shot." Experts say the increase in violence among children and the ease in which children can obtain guns make it necessary for parents to stress to their children that saving face is secondary to saving their own lives.

"You've got to tell your children that their response depends on the situation," Dr. Comer says. "If you're dealing with someone truly dangerous, you just get out of there. You want to maintain your dignity, but mostly you want to think about your safety."

Tell your children to seek adult intervention. Bullies thrive on the fact that their victims are too afraid and too embarrassed to report them to adults and authority figures. But experts say that children need to expose them to parents, school officials, even the police--if necessary--if they want to put an end to harassment. "We. must not give children the message that they're weak when they turn to an adult for help," Dr. Benoit says. "We've done that too much. It starts in kindergarten when the tattletale is ostracized. But we need to let them know that it's courageous to say, `I will go and get the teacher.' You want to teach your child to use whatever resources are available to minimize the risk."