Just Be A Man About It - relations - Brief Article

Ebony, July, 2001 by Walter Leavy

WE knew it was going to happen. We just didn't know what form it would take, where it would come from and when it would show up. But there was never any question that it was going to happen. The fact that Brothers, in this instance, have such knowledge has nothing to do with intuition, nothing to do with intelligence, nothing to do with insight. It has everything to do with routine.

See, Brothers know about "it" because we get the brunt of "it". The "it" that I'm referring to is an impetus of inspiration and encouragement, a coagulating force that reinvigorates Sisters in the continuing struggle between Black women and Black men. It is a unifier that all Sisters can relate to and rally around. It can be an idea, a theme, a slogan, or, in this case, a song title. This time it's Toni Braxton's hit song, "Just Be A Man About It," that's serving as the new source of unification among disgruntled Sisters. It is their new anthem, their way of getting straight to the point and to the core of one's manhood.

The song is Braxton's response to the (fictional) man in her life who doesn't have the fortitude to tell her like it is, to tell her what's really in his heart, to tell her that it's over. "Baby, you don't gotta lie to, me; just be a man about it," she says in her song. "If you wanna leave, go on; just be a man about it. Come and grab your things and go on. Right now! Just be a man about it!"

The reaction by Sisters to the song's refrain has been about as enthusiastic as it was when two similar unifying forces were embraced a few years ago. Remember when practically every Sister --to the chagrin of Brothers who had to listen to it--found such joy in repeating Erykah Badu's "You Better Call Tyrone?" That, however, was nothing compared to what followed the success of the book and movie Waiting to Exhale when Sisters had after-movie parties and other gatherings to bond and talk about men who had cheated on them, lied to them or been less than forthcoming with them--all while telling them that they loved them. In this difficult world of Black male/Black female relationships, this was their "us against them" time, their time to reassess their own situations in the security of a setting that served to sustain them in their moments of love's many trials and tribulations.

In Braxton's song, she simply implores her man to be straightforward, no beating around the bush--to let her know where he stands because she can deal with the brutal truth; it is the heavy burden of uncertainty that she can't live with.

For many Sisters, the song touches an exposed nerve because the scenario is real; it's a reflection of their life, a life that has been affected by a man who wouldn't or couldn't be completely open, or who wouldn't or couldn't be fair to her.

The truth is that every Sister has the right to expect the man to whom she gives her love, her trust, her soul and her devotion to do the right thing when it comes to their relationship--even if he has to "just be a man about it" and end it.

Far too many Sisters have suffered the unnecessary indignities associated with matters of the heart because too many Brothers simply don't know what it means to be a man. It's not about the number of female conquests. It's not about getting over. It's not about settling for the path of least resistance. It is about responsibility, reliability, dependability and truth. It's about ambition, dedication, discipline and determination. It's about doing the right thing--even when it hurts, even when you're afraid of the consequences, even when you're the only one who knows that you're doing the right thing. It's about how you treat the woman in your life--how you love her, respect her, honor her, empower her. It's about not only hearing what she says, but listening to what she says. It s about being a dedicated, caring father to your children from diapers to diploma and beyond. It's about sacrificing to make life better for someone else. It's about realizing that kindness and sensitivity aren't weaknesses. It's about realizing that there is no such thing as "women's jobs," and that no man has an inalienable right that requires women to do that which he can do for himself.

All parents want to see their son grow up to be a productive, successful and strong man. There's evidence of these thoughts early in the child's life. How many times have you heard a father tell his little boy to stop crying and "be a man?" But being a man is one of those things that's learned by example. And far too many youngsters, for a variety of reasons, don't learn how to fulfill that role c because they have no positive role model, no how-to book to follow. The result? A group of Brothers who don't understand the realities of manhood--a group who is not equipped to establish long-lasting, meaningful and fulfilling relationships with Black women.

If Black male/Black female relationships are to be the best that they can be--to thrive and survive--then the foundation has to be mutual respect. Brothers should never forget that consideration, compassion and doing the right thing are major ingredients that make a better lover, a better husband, a better friend, a better all-around person. So remember that no matter what situations you have to confront with the woman in your life, in the long run, everything will work out better if you follow one simple bit of advice--just be a man about it!