Independence Day - Sisterspeak - planning personal independence - Brief Article

SISTERS, it's our Independence Day. This July 4 is not only the country's holiday, but it's also a good day to declare your freedom from despair, defeat and depression.

July 4, 2002, will probably be the biggest since the bicentennial with much climbing on bandwagons, flag-waving, parade-going and red-white-and-blue-wearing. But as Frederick Douglass said in July 1852, what to the American slave is your Fourth of July? While we can appreciate the patriotic outpouring, especially in light of September 11, if we are still slaves of negative thinking and a negative lifestyle, what's the point? That's so 9-10. In the new Hollywood lingo, selfishness, greed, envy, pettiness--negativity in general, it's all so 9/10, meaning, pre-9/11.

So while other people are doing their thing, declare your own personal Independence Day. Unsheathe faith, the true weapon of despair, and its cousin--action--because without action, faith is dead. Believe you can improve and then act on that belief. It's been six months now since you made all those New Year's resolutions--remember them? Shake them out, dust them off, and recommit to a better you. In the wake of the September disaster, millions of Americans have been gripped by an attack of self-examination, of living for the moment and of doing the right thing.

Do the right thing for you. Has negative thinking got you down? It's Independence Day. Begin the hard task of being your own cheerleader, instead of your own worst enemy. Ask the hard questions of yourself. Ruby Dee told me she struggled early in her marriage to her soul mate, Ossie Davis, until she asked herself and him, "Why does it take my life and your life to make your life?" Although they were both actors, she still had the dinner, dishes and diapers to do after the rehearsals. After the couple re-aligned some of their household responsibilities, she was a lot happier and their relationship benefited from the changes. Today they have been married more than 50 years, and she says that you, too, can re-align some of your responsibilities.

In debt? Re-order your financial priorities and pay yourself first, because saving a little beats owing a lot. Retreat from the financial edge. Toni Braxton, for example, beat bankruptcy not so much with a financial plan--which she had--but also with a personal plan. She told me, "I learned I had to believe in myself and not just be comfortable with the opinions of others." She says she had gotten too comfortable with other people's opinions on her life, from her hair length to her touring schedule. How did she change all that? She filed her own personal declaration of independence and is now, she says, a smarter and stronger person, in control of her career and life. You can do it too!

In a bad relationship? It's Independence Day from drama! Don't let toxic relationships or toxic people sap your energy, steal your joy and turn your body, mind or home into a toxic dump. If it can't be saved, recycled, or counseled--release it. As Alice Walker says, "No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." In the first years of women's suffrage in the last century, pioneering Black actress Etta Moten Barnett--who recently celebrated her 100th birthday--made an unconventional decision to divorce her husband, attend college and pursue an acting and singing career. She had three little girls then, but with the help of her parents, she graduated from college in 1931. She told me once that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Refusing to let a bad marriage bury her, she declared her independence from the conventions of the day and went on to conquer Broadway and Hollywood, and you can make the same decision.

Do you need to spend more quality time with loved ones? Do it! Read one story, have one lunch, see one movie--together. Start small and it adds up.

You want to lose weight? It's Independence Day! Take July 4 and fall back on the wagon to healthy living. Buy some vegetables--and eat them! It's summer--try outdoor exercises, like long walks, tennis and swimming.

Still believe that Lincoln freed the slaves? Run, don't walk to your local library and read the 13th Amendment--it's Independence Day. After that, run, don't walk, to your bookstore and buy The Reckoning: What Blacks Owe to Each Other or Forced Into Glory to understand how Lincoln's lie became the truth. Want to improve your mind? Join a book club, or start one. Read books that feed your mind and spirit with positive feedback. Read positive self-affirming material--daily.

This July, while the country built by slaves is celebrating freedom, celebrate your personal Independence Day by living the truth, walking in the light and believing that someday we will all be free. An African proverb states that God gives nothing to those who keep their arms closed.

It's July 4--your July 4. Open your arms and celebrate your own Independence Day.

COPYRIGHT 2002 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2002 Gale Group