An unscientific survey: the best cities: to say "i do" in

Ebony, July, 2003 by Zondra Hughes

TERRI, a financial reporter, says she "couldn't buy a date" in Des Moines, Iowa--but found a husband within eight months after moving to Jackson, Mississippi. LaTonja,* (the weddings are real but some names have been changed upon request), a songwriter, had a nine-year relationship drought while living in Toledo, Ohio, but just 13 months after relocating to Norfolk, Virginia, she married a navy lieutenant. "Norfolk, Virginia, is home to some of the most eligible Navy men in America--and on May 3, 2003, I married one," she says.

And Daphne, an educator, says her love life was in limbo for six years in Louisiana, but it took her fewer than 12 months to find a husband in San Antonio.

These happily married Sisters and others found love in the unlikeliest of cities, and they and national relationship experts have created a new map of some of the hottest spots to flirt and fall in love. The ever-elusive Mr. Right isn't hard to find, they say, if you know where to look.

* DURHAM, N.C.

FOR 5 years, Tiffanie* a beautiful young banker, found Chicago's dating scene to be colder than its infamous winters. But nine months after settling in Durham, North Carolina, Tiffanie was standing at the altar in a Vera Wang gown.

"I'm in Durham for the Bull Durham Blues Festival and I'm approached by this cute gentleman," Tiffanie recalls, "we chat for awhile and he tells me that he's a neurosurgeon. I could have fainted. I couldn't believe that I had hit the jackpot right away--an intelligent, handsome Black doctor! Later, I was bragging to my friend and tour guide, and she told me that 1 in 4 people work in health care here. It's not unusual to find an eligible Black doctor, bank executive (Durham is home to the largest African-American-owned financial institution), or computer genius walking around Research Triangle Park. Other places to find love in and around the city include Brightleaf and Ninth Street shopping district, Durham Bulls Athletic Park, Duke University, Hayti Heritage Center, North Carolina Central University, scenic golf courses, and the romantic Magic Wings Butterfly House."

* Roanoke, Virginia

For the record, Lisa Jones isn't going to bash her hometown of Philadelphia.

For all it's worth, Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love, has a rich and varied social scene that boasts a nightlife to sustain the desires of the blue,blooded bourgeois, the red-hot rebels and every other group in-between. But if you're a single Sister looking for a man, perhaps you may have to look elsewhere, argues Jones, who quit dating altogether until she met her husband, some 400 miles away in Roanoke.

"I was not in a relationship for two years prior to meeting my husband, because I chose not to date anyone," she says. "Even though Philly is a large city, it was easy to find out who was dating whom and who was cheating as well. The pickings were slim, especially if you had in your mind the specific type of man you wanted to date and/or eventually marry."

In November of 2000,

Jones, a paralegal, went to visit family members in Roanoke. At a Thanksgiving Day church service, she met a nice man, former EBONY Surer Bachelor (June 1999) Michael W. Palmer. They hit it off instantly and became good friends.

"The ironic thing is that during the many years that I traveled to Roanoke to visit my family, I had never heard his name mentioned," she says.

In May of 2001, Jones found a job at a law firm in Roanoke; and she soon packed her designer bags and kissed Philadelphia goodbye. Nine months later, Michael Palmer was on bended knee.

"I couldn't believe what was happening!" she says, "of course I said yes!"

In September of 2002, the former Lisa Jones of Philadelphia became Mrs. Michael Palmer of Roanoke.

* San Diego

Naomi had been divorced for two years and six days exactly when she and a girlfriend arrived in San Diego on a much-needed vacation. At the time, Naomi, a native of Kansas City, Mo., had grown tired of the "bogus" dating scene at home and was growing restless.

"I'm educated, I have job, I have decent credit, but I was getting nowhere romantically," she says. "Kansas City is a very tough place to be a single Black woman."

During the first four days of her vacation, Naomi, a public relations officer for a major fast food chain, soaked in the sun on a private beach. On the fifth day, she went shopping for souvenirs in the entertainment district of Gaslamp.

"And there he was, looking fine, and he was looking at ME!" Naomi proclaims. "I flirted. He smiled. I walked over to him, checked his wedding finger up close (no ring), and then gently placed my business card in his hand."

That night Naomi and her new friend Michael went out for seafood and stargazing.

"I'm not going to relocate right now," Naomi says, "but we're definitely going to be racking up on our frequent flier miles."

* Charlotte, N.C.

Dorothy Rivers, a single administrative assistant with the Central Carolina branch of the National Urban League, promises that on any given day of the week, a Black woman can walk down the street in Charlotte and bump into a sex symbol look-alike.