Winning is important

Ebony, July, 2004 by Chappell Kevin

I WANTED to jump into the conversation. But it was not my daughter, and it was not my place. After all, I had my hands full with my own offspring. Keeping one 7-year-old emotionally stable was a full-time job in and of itself. So I was in no position to give my two cents, in no position to try to tell another Brother how to console his child, who was distraught after coming in third place during an ice-skating competition

So I said nothing, just watched as he wiped his daughter's tears. This Brother comforted his daughter for the better part of 5 minutes until he finally convinced her that not only was winning not important, but that it wasn't even her fault that she lost. This Brother blamed the judges, blamed the skates, blamed the coach. Heck, he even blamed the ice for being too slippery. In fact, he did everything but suggest to his daughter that if she hadn't fallen three times during her routine that maybe she would have won.

In this short period of time, he (as good as his intentions may have been) had managed to take all of the competitiveness out of his daughter. She had obviously entered the competition with a killer mentality--convinced that she was the best, convinced that she was going to win, willing to settle for nothing less than being the best. But she left with her father, not only content with being third best, but convinced that there was nothing she could have done to win.

I know that it is often said that winning is not everything. And in certain circumstances that may indeed be the case. But what message are we sending when we wholeheartedly accept that philosophy? We in the Black community too often accept mediocrity, justify shortcomings. Sometimes we blame it on society; other times we fault anyone and anything but ourselves. We teach our children to strive to fit in, to be content with being average. Don't make waves.

But when you're Black the reality of winning is important. Whether it's in sports, school or the workplace, being the best does matter. Like it or not, when you are Black and particularly a Brother, many times, if not most times, if not all of the time, you have to be the best. Simply fitting in when you're Black can be a sure way of getting left out. When you're a Brother, to get your just due, many times you have to win every race, be the most prepared, be the fastest, the smartest, the greatest of all time.

True, not everyone can be the winner. Sometimes we may give it our all and still fall short of being the best. But that shouldn't stop us from trying, and the prospect of not being the best shouldn't scare us into thinking that being the best is unimportant. And if we're not winners, we shouldn't turn against those who are. You know people who spend all of their time and energy hatin' on those who are at the top of their game. Instead of bad-mouthing those who do well, we should congratulate them for achieving what we have not. And after we finish paying tribute, we should then renew our effort to do better, to keep trying until we can stand in that same winner's circle. The key to such an attitude transformation is taking personal responsibility for not achieving at as high of a level as we're capable of.

I don't know about you, but I want to have a competitive edge. I don't want to be complacent in defeat. We should realize that it's okay to feel bad--even to the point of tears--when we lose. Not distraught, just disappointed. We should strive to be the best, and don't be satisfied with less. If the world is a competition, we should all be determined to bring home a trophy--even if you are little girls in ice-skating competitions.