Male virgin NBA star A.C. Green tells 'Why I have refused sex'

Ebony, August, 1998 by A.C. Green

AN attractive Black woman recently asked me about my sex life. "A.C.," she said, "why are you a virgin at age 34? You're a handsome man, you're an athlete, and I know women are all over you all the time. Why are you still a virgin?"

It was not the first time I've been asked that question. It came up in high school, and it came up when I attended Oregon State. But in recent years the question has taken on more significance. In today's society in which sex is portrayed as the alpha and omega, the way and means for all and everything, the fact that I am a virgin seems to present a perplexing oddity. But being different, being unusual, being odd is not a problem for me. I am who and what I am, and I'm quite comfortable with that.

I'm a virgin because, first of all, that's what God has designated for me at this time, being a single man. I have committed my life to let Him make the decisions, not me. I'm following His rules, so that's the first thing. Secondly, I choose to be abstinent because of the self-respect and high regard I have for my body. It's a choice I'm proud of. There are tests, there are trials, but to me it's not as hard as most people would imagine. You only really get tested when you put yourself in a tempestuous situation, or spend your time around tempting women. Maybe you'll find out exactly what you're made of, but I wouldn't trust myself to a stupid test like that. Therefore, it's best for me to keep away from possibly compromising situations.

Over the years, there have been people who don't believe that I'm a virgin. They say, "Oh, man, you can't be in the NBA and be a virgin!" My only response to that is: "Hey, I know who I am and what I am, and that is a virgin. And with all of the risks associated with sex, I'm surprised you're not."

I'm really tired of the stereotype of NBA players. My pet peeve is the stereotype that gets labeled on athletes first of all and overall. You know that everyone is going after fast cars, a lot of money and a lot of women. That's the stereotype. You're supposed to come into the league, get paid, get a home, get a ride, and get a honey. That's the image, but I say, forget that. Sure, it's there, but just because it's there doesn't mean I've got to partake of it. In truth, the majority of the guys in one way or the other get caught up in one of those stereotypes, maybe not all of them, but one of them for sure. I can almost say two of them.

The whole issue of NBA players and women and sex and children out of wedlock was the subject of a recent Oprah Winfrey Show in which I participated. The main question that kept coming up was, "Why don't guys use condoms?" That is a very good question. I told Oprah that I feel it is very stupid just to put yourself in that position. I don't even know why they are having sex in the first place, if they are not married. I tell my colleagues and teammates all the time that they are playing with fire. They don't realize how stupid it is because to them it's fun, it's daring, it is like living on the edge. And when you live on the edge, you want to be near the fire. But like mama said, when you play with fire, you might get burned. These guys have so much to lose. It's crazy to me to put yourself in that position. There might be a few virgins in the NBA. But overall, the guys are sort of reckless and their behavior reflects the attitude, "Hey, I can do anything and everything and not worry about responsibility and accountability." That's their attitude.

Sometimes in the locker room, I'm like a voice of reason. I don't want to hear about what happened last night, and the guys have enough respect for me and know what I stand for that they don't even bring that stuff to me. But more than anything I try to get them to understand that you've got to think about what you're doing--instead of just thinking that every lady out there is a road trip. That's the type of mentality sometimes--"just because I go from city to city and play this game, I can play women too." Sometimes they think women are just like that--a game or a piece of meat.

During my 13 years in the NBA, a few NBA players have taunted, teased, tempted and tried me to see if I'd hold up my standards. Some even threatened to set me up with women they knew. "Let's see how strong you really are," they said. When they didn't win, they tried new tactics. Eventually they got tired of the games and started believing in me.

I've seen and heard much, and I have been approached by women as well. When I first came into the league with the Lakers, the parking lot at the Forum was much more open, and fans could get to the players' cars. Women would leave cards and flowers or whatever on your windshield. There used to be a couple of ladies, girls, who always wanted to cook for me. All the women knew, of course, who the single guys were on the team. The women knew that the bachelors would be curious to know what was under that tinfoil that smelled so good, and a lot of times it was still warm. They used the food as a conversation starter. After they showed up the third or fourth time, you felt you should at least have a conversation with them. I never did go out with one of them, and I never accepted the food.