All I really need to know I learned from black women - words of wisdom - Column

Ebony, Sept, 1997 by Laura B. Randolph

There were so many, and they were so wonderful. So smart. So sage. So witty. So wise. It was exactly one year ago that, in this column, I asked you -- Sisters across America -- to share with me your favorite pearl of wisdom: The thought, the motto, the counsel that has helped you the most or inspired you to be your very best. At the time I remember thinking I would probably get a dozen responses. And if I was very, very lucky, maybe even two or three.

Well, talk about your serious miscalculations. Since that column appeared, your letters have poured in and have yet to stop. Day after day, week after week, the mailman shows up with more -- batches, bundles, stacks. To give you a good idea of just how many of you have written in, it has only been in the last few weeks that he has stopped rolling his eyes and started speaking to me again. And even that is conditioned on the understanding we have reached to preserve our fragile truce: If I ever do this again, I must give him a minimum of two months notice so that he can request a new route.

The postman's anger notwithstanding, as I was telling a Sister friend the other night, it isn't just the number of responses that I have received that I have found so surprising. What has really knocked me out is their quality. To quote Tina Turner, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine the treasure -- and, believe me, that is the word for it -- your letters would hold. In almost every one, I found something priceless -- some adage or aphorism, motto or maxim gained from hard-won experience about life and how to live it. Many were as old as they were wise, life lessons for and from Black women passed down from generation to generation, Sister to Sister, by mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers so wise in the ways of the world they seem like clairvoyants.

A few years ago, a little book of sermon-turned-essays took the publishing world by storm. It was called All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, and it spent months on all the national best-seller lists. People raved about it, and they should have. It was good, really good. The author, a White man named Robert Fulghum, who-in his 50-some years on this earth has been a cowboy, IBM salesman, professional artist, folk singer, minister bartender, and teacher -- had some important things to say about the nature of life and a gifted way of saying them. But, after reading all of your letters, about this I am sure: All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Black Women.

Now there's a book I'd really love to read. A guaranteed best-seller if ever there was one. You'll know what I mean by the time you finish this column. To all the Sisters who took the time to share their life lessons, my heartfelt thanks.

And now, as I promised you a year ago, here they are -- the best of the best of your responses. More words of advice. More words of wisdom. More words to live by.

1. Safe is a four-letter word; you can't steal second base by keeping your foot on first.

2. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

3. Put God first and you will find Him with you right up to the last.

4. Never fear opposition -- a kite rises against the wind, not with it.

5. Plan your work -- then work your plan.

6. It is not enough to commit the golden rule to memory; you must commit it to life.

7. Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

8. If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.

9. Measure your wealth not by the things that you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.

10. The wonders you seek are within yourself -- Oz never gave anything to the Scarecrow, the Lion and the Tin Man that they didn't already have.

11. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.

12. Save money and money will save you.

13. Never cut what you can untie.

14. Nobody raises her own reputation by lowering others.

15. The woman who has a right to boast doesn't have to.

16. The Sister who knows how will find a job; the Sister who knows why will be her boss.

17. Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

18. Failure is success if we learn from it.

19. Being smart is not the same as being wise; being tough is not the same as being strong; being wealthy is not the same as being rich; being shown is not the same as being led.

20. In each one of us there is a queen; speak to her and she will come forth.