Survival guide for working mothers - includes related survival tips

Ebony, Sept, 1997 by Joy Bennett Kinnon

A career woman needs the empathy of Mother Hale and Mother Teresa and the organizational skills of the U.S. Army

By 9:00 a.m., most members of the working mothers club have already put in a half day's work. By the time the average working mother sits down at the office or shop to "work," she has combed several heads of hair, found lost items, rescued homework from the dog and packed the car with enough gear for a small family vacation. She may have dressed, fed, and dropped off two or more persons, dropped bills off at the post office and picked up dry cleaning.

Once she reaches the office and exhales, she's up and running again, accompanied by the other constant companion of working mothers -- worry. Along with her daily work assignments, which must be coordinated and dispatched quickly, creatively and with searing precision, she is concerned about the small charges she has dropped off in the care of other people, and she's concerned about what's for dinner.

Sick children, deadlines, sleep and romance all compete for equal time, with sleep and romance usually losing the battle. But this is not a new phenomenon for Black working mothers. For Black women have always worked, whether it was for free during slavery, or quasi-free in the first half of this century. The major differences between earlier generations and the 3.2 million Black working mothers of today are the salaries and the absence of in extended support system.

So the first survival tip for career mothers is to get support. A good support network, mothers and experts say, is vital to balancing work and homelife. Enlist husbands, sisters, brothers, relatives and/or neighbors to help pick up children, or drop them off, or if necessary to pinch-hit for you at school events.

Organization is important as well. Janella McElroy, mother of a 6-year-old girl and 3-year-old boy, says she plans a week's worth of menus in advance. "So the question of what's for dinner is already answered," she says. She also tries to prepare every body's clothes in advance by laying out the clothes the night before. That eliminates some of the morning craziness, she says, because everything is clean and ready to go.

McElroy, who works for a real estate company in Chicago, says her husband, Steven, does most of the transporting of the children to school and preschool in the morning. She says they try to get the children in bed by 8:30 each night, which allows them to spend time together. "That quality time in the evening strengthens us and our marriage," she adds.

Family counselors say it's important for working mothers to pencil in personal time. "If you're happy, your children will be happy," says Dr. Brenda Wade, a San Francisco family psychologist and author. "And in order for you to be a happy mom and your children to be happy, you've got to make time for yourself"

Related Article: Sister Rules For Survival

* Set aside private time for yourself -- an empty well gives no water. Working mothers must take time for rest and relaxation. Form a baby-sitting pool; take a walk during your lunch hour; join a gym; do absolutely nothing.

* Ask for help. Create a support network. Develop a back-up system of reliable people who can fill in for you on sick days, snow days, teacher conference days or when you're running late.

* Set priorities. Do only what must be done to keep the health department away. Don't neglect quality time with your children to clean underneath the refrigerator.

* Organize your time. Get up earlier to do household chores and/or to get yourself ready before your child awakens. Throw a load of clothes into the washer in the morning. Lay out clothing the night before. Give your first 20 to 30 minutes after getting home from work to your children.

* Organize your home. Keep a copy of the school calendar on the refrigerator for easy reference. When cooking, make double batches and freeze one batch for emergencies when there's no time to cook. Use a crock pot -- a working mother's lifesaver -- to prepare food in the morning; let it simmer all day and it's ready to serve when you get home from work.

* Hang loose. Life happens. Have breakfast foods for dinner once in a while and spend the time sitting down and talking with your child. Pancakes for dinner may catch on in your home.

* Set aside couple time. Keep the romance going. Set a regular rendezvous with your husband or significant other.

* Delegate, delegate, delegate. Teach your child to do chores such as cleaning his or her room, setting the table, taking out the trash. Have older children read to their younger siblings and help with homework when you can't be there. This not only helps teach responsibility but gives you some relief.

* Say no ... often. It's your privilege to respectfully decline the thieves of your time. There will be time later to save the city or the organization, but your child will be 3, 5, or a teenager only once.

* Banish quilt. It's unproductive. Don't pressure yourself to live up to others' standards. Your best is good enough. Don't stop being yourself.