5 women to avoid

Ebony, Sept, 1998

Men, you've all been there, and afterward you've all told yourself, "Never again." But somehow, some way, you continue to find yourself in a relationship with a woman who is, well, weird.

Oh sure, she appears normal at first, with her chameleon-like ability to hide her true colors. But after a few dates, her cover is blown. Her passive-aggressive behavior, obsession with money, power, chaos--or even an ex-flame--turns her from a great catch to one you'd just as soon throw back. You try to make a clean break, but her character flaws trap you, entangling you in her twisted web of mental and emotional instability. In short order, she has you thinking you're crazy. You eventually break free, but soon find yourself hooked up with another odd woman.

Of the many categories of women to avoid, the following pages contain the Top 5. What's the best advice to men who mn into any one of these character-flawed ladies? Accept her for -echo she is, or run--fast.

1 THE GOLD DIGGER

All she wants is the "Benjamins." She's tired of the men who can't do anything for her. Now she's going for the gold. It could be that she has feelings of insecurity, and she needs material things to boost her self-esteem. Or it could be that she is full of self-confidence and believes she deserves a man who can shower her with cash, gifts and the other finer things in life.

She usually targets the rich and famous, like professional athletes, entertainers or wealthy businessmen. But no man is immune. In fact, gold-digging "neophytes" have been known to hone their skills on the unsuspecting Joe Paycheck, swindling him out of his hard-earned money, before graduating to the big-time. "To a certain extent, all women want financial security," says Dr. Yolanda Bruce Brooks, a clinical and consulting psychologist in Dallas. But the gold digger, in exchange for attending to a man's needs, "wants material items and opportunities that the guy has."

If you're involved with a gold digger, you'll soon realize that no matter how much money you spend on her she always wants more. She wants to be in the latest fashions, drive the best car, eat at the most expensive restaurants and take exotic vacations.

And brag? She will brag to her girlfriends right under her designer shoes. "Some men don't mind," Brook says. "They want their women to look like a million dollars and are willing to pay for it."

Does she like you? Probably so--but for all the wrong reasons. If you have a problem with her frequent-fund withdrawals, it's best to make like a bank manager and close the vault.

2 MS. REBOUND

Fresh out of a relationship or marriage, she's harboring feelings of loss and abandonment, possibly even resentment. She's looking for a nice guy to fill the mental void left jealous. Either way, it's bad news for you.

It may take a few dates before she exposes herself for who she really is--an unstable bundle of emotions who many times continues to have strong feelings for her ex, and sometimes even continues to see him for an occasional night of passion.

She will eventually tell you the situation, maybe in the car one evening on your way home from dinner and a movie. "I've enjoyed being with you," she will say. "You're so much more mature than the guy I just broke up with."

"The guy you just broke up with?" you will respond.

"Yeah. He's so crazy, and homicidal," she says, proceeding to tell you how she's even caught him snooping around her apartment after several of your dates and how she thinks it's cute, but crazy at the same time. "See there he is," she says as you pull up to her place, pointing to a shadowy figure in the brush.

"Usually the first person someone dates after ending a relationship is a transitional person, and it almost never develops into a meaningful relationship," says Darlene Powell Hopson, a clinical psychologist in Middlefield, Conn. "I would recommend that a man be her friend but not seek an emotional, intimate relationship" until she's completely over her past relationship.

3 MS. DRAMA QUEEN

At first sight, she seems normal. But spend some time with her and you soon realize that she's about as unstable as they come. The first clue usually comes after a date or two, when out of the blue, she tells you: "I don't know what I would do if you ever left me. My world would come to an end."

I mean, you had noticed how she sort of clung to you like a cheap pair of slacks, gazed into your eyes like a lost puppy, and talked about your future together like you even knew how to spell her last name.

But you didn't think much of it, not until the third date or so when she start to cry--in the middle of dinner at a crowded restaurant--because she feels like you don't love her. She tells you how happy she's been since she's met you, how she believes you two are soul mates, how she wishes you would tell her that you love her, tell her that you'll be there to take care of her, that you'll never leave her. All of this on your third date.

"She's looking for a great deal of attention, and feels like things have to be chaotic or she's not living," Hopson says of Ms. Drama Queen. "She's usually running from something like disappointment in her career, or even intimacy. So she creates drama to avoid expressing feelings or emotions."