Finances and newlyweds - married people managing money

Ebony, Oct, 1993

When the honeymoon fades into the realities of rent, mortgages, car notes and utility bills, many newly wedded couples are shaken - sometimes, apart. But financial advisers and marital experts say money dilemmas and financial woes among Black couples don't have to end in divorce.

"A great number of marriages unfortunately end in divorce because of money differences and arguments about money," asserts Dr. Maryse Nazon, a Chicago clinical psychologist who counsels Black couples. "But when people come to me in crisis, I tell them if money is the only reason they are getting divorced, they need to take a turnaround and look at their marriage another way. [Money] should never be the issue. Money matters can be easily resolved."

Perhaps easier said than done, money management and marriage are matters of dollars and common sense. Loving relationships, experts say, can flourish when couples learn to talk honestly about money, set mutual financial goals and learn how to work as a team.

The first practical step toward making sense of two incomes and doubled bills and other financial obligations is communicating about similarities and differences - way before the wedding day, says Charles Ross, author of the book, Your Common Sense Guide to Personal Financial Planning.

"The first thing you need to do is sit down and discuss money in a very, very serious, yet light-hearted way," says Ross, who also hosts a nationally syndicated financial radio show, "because if you're having problems talking about money, then you'll probably have problems dealing with some other issues that will come up in the marriage, too."

Other experts concur, "People tend to be very protective of their financial situation, but you need to make observations, very critical ones, even before the marriage," warns Dr. Lucy J. Reuben, associate professor of finance at Florida A&M University.

Clearly, couples can't find out everything about each other's spending and saving habits before marriage. But Dr. Reuben encourages both men and women to examine a potential spouse's financial records as carefully as they would other traits that affect compatability. "Don't be clouded by romanticism," she warns. "That would be the biggest mistake you could make."

This quickly became clear to Raychell and Anthony Richard of New Orleans and Roslyn and Jason Houston of Chicago. Married for less than two years, the Richards and the Houstons, like many other Black newlyweds, made startling discoveries early on that convinced them that marriage meant much more than exchanging vows.

For Roslyn Watford Houston and her husband, Jason F. Houston, saying "I do" at the altar meant compromising and saying, "Oh, all right," afterwards. Although the Chicago couple knew long before their wedding that they came from different financial vantage points, that didn't keep conflicts from surfacing. "I knew he was very frugal when we started to date," says Roslyn, a 31-year-old Harvard MBA and part-time college professor.

Admittedly not as frugal as her husband of 13 months, she says she was taken aback by his "roommate" approach to finances. "I felt like we should have one big pool of money and pay all of our bills out of that," says Roslyn. But instead, she bent and went along with her husband's plan of setting up one account for household bills and separate individual accounts to pay personal debts, such as medical bills, student loans and church tithes. Even when the two take vacations together, airfares go on separate credit cards. "I had no objections to sharing my money, but I think with Jason, it was more of an adjustment," Roslyn says. "I think it will take time to build up more trust."

Her husband, a Purdue graduate and pharmaceutical sales representative, agrees with his wife's assessment. "I'm a little more conservative than my wife. She's more of a risk taker and that did cause a little conflict at first," he admits. "But now, I've learned to be a little more flexible and enjoy the money I make a little bit without going overboard."

Their somewhat nontraditional method of money management has reaped some benefit. Working toward purchasing a house before the end of the year, the Houstons have already paid off, two of their credit cards, and they have managed to stick to a budget, taking only small allowances out of individuals accounts. "We are sacrificing more right now because we have the goal of acquiring a home," Jason explains. In a softer tone he adds, "But we're getting rid of that separate mode and moving towards a joint one."

Couples have to make some pretty clear-cut decisions when it comes to the day-to-day operations of family finances. Will they keep separate accounts like the Houstons in Chicago or will they set up joint accounts? Financier Ross is of the school of thought which says families should only have joint accounts. "I believe when the Lord said, and the two shall become one, he didn't mean for us to leave out finances."

But not all experts agree. "Some people say that you should join all of your resources," Dr. Reuben observes, that it depends very much on the couple." Dr. Reuben admits that separate accounts can be counterproductive when there is a great disparity in incomes.