Pulling off a successful balancing act as mom, manager and wife

Ebony, Oct, 1998 by Nicole Walker

WHAT makes a successful career woman? A beautiful home in an upscale community? A 44th-floor office with a breathtaking view of downtown Chicago? A new position as a senior manager of management, planning and development for one of America's largest corporations?

Lauren Jiles-Johnson, a 39-year-old Sara Lee Corporation executive, has all these things and appreciates their importance. Yet maybe the true mark of a successful career mother is the ability to integrate all the diverse facets of her personality--wife, mother, professional, self--into a total package that allows her fulfillment in each arena of her life.

It hasn't been easy for Jiles-Johnson to reconcile these competing interests. And perhaps her toughest challenge, like that of most career moms, has been balancing everyone else's needs with her own needs.

"One night my son wanted me to play soccer," Jiles-Johnson recalls. "I said, `I'm tired,' and he had this hurt look on his little face. All these things you think you're doing for them--keeping a house, working to pay for their education, dinner, laundry--none of that makes any difference to them."

What makes a difference is the effort she makes to show her children that she cares about their needs, even if it's just playing soccer. So every night after dinner, she and husband, Nate G. Johnson, a 44-year-old facilities manager for Quill Corp., gather their 6-year-old son, Nate, and 4-year-old daughter, Victoria, together for playtime.

Quality time is important to this career mom because the hours she spends either walking with "Big Nate" while the kids ride their bikes alongside, playing the kids favorite card game, Uno, or taking an outing to Little Nate's Pee Wee Basketball League games are among the few opportunities the Sara Lee executive gets to be with the whole family during her busy workweek. Her strict schedule requires her to rise before the sun, at 5 a.m. In the midst of dressing, laying out the children's clothes and leaving daily instructions for her live-in baby-sitter to follow, Jiles-Johnson snatches a few moments to gab with her husband while he also gets ready for work. She says the time they spend "gossiping" in the morning "is the most uninterrupted conversation we have all day."

Little Nate usually wakes up just in time for a good-morning hug and a quick chat about his plans for the day before mom lushes out the door of her suburban Chicago home at 7:45 a.m. to catch the train. The hour-long train ride is prime time for Jiles-Johnson to tie up any loose ends--making last-minute changes to an assignment, reading mail, planning the day's schedule or snoozing. After the train pulls into downtown, she walks the one-mile trek from the station to her office building, which lately has become the career mom's only exercise.

At work, Jiles-Johnson's day is filled with voice-mails, e-mails, meetings and projects. But she makes time to call the kids and check in with her baby-sitter to make sure all is quiet on the homefront. The executive tries to be at home by 7 p.m., but if the unexpected arises, she doesn't have to worry about rushing home to fix dinner or finding someone to watch the kids since her husband, who works near their house, arrives home first to relieve the baby-sitter and start dinner.

But even superwomen like Jiles-Johnson--who live their lives by their Date Planners, who elevate time management to an alt form and somehow make the impossible possible--occasionally get burdened by the enormous responsibility on their shoulders. In that event, it's essential to have support to relieve those broad shoulders.

"Nate is a really wonderful father," Jiles-Johnson says. "He really steps up to the plate. Sometimes I'll come in from work, and he's having fun with [the children] and evelybody looks happy. I just thank God that he's there for them, that I have that backup." She adds that she's also grateful for Alex, her current live-in baby-sitter. After trying a number of part-time sitters, the Johnsons now rely on live-in help to care for the children during the day, in exchange for free room, board and a modest wage. So far, the arrangement has worked well for the career mom, who needed someone who could work around her hectic schedule and that of her husband, who, in addition to working full-time, attends graduate school.

While a support system helps Jiles-Johnson balance her family and career, she knows that no one takes the place of mom in her kids' eyes.

"My kids have never gotten used to the fact that I'm not home," she says. "You have to struggle to keep your priorities straight, and your children are your top priority. You always can manage to extend a deadline or get some help at work, but there is nothing like having [your child] come home citing because you're the only mother who didn't show up at the Christmas play. And that is an experience that I never want to have."

Prioritizing for Jiles-Johnson also means reading her children a bedtime story each night before tucking them in, or teaming up with her husband on weekends to give the kids cooking lessons, or attending church service as a family on Sundays. "You only have one chance to do those things," she says, "and if you miss it because you're too distracted by your other responsibilities, I don't know if you can fix that."