All I ever really needed to know I learned from Santa Claus

Ebony, Dec, 1995 by Laura B. Randolph

My girlfriend called the other night with a bad case of the holiday blues. The big deal of Christmas for her 5-year-old son is visiting Santa Claus. The big drag of Christmas for her 36-year-old body is summoning the energy to take him.

If you have ever performed this holiday ritual, you understand why my friend was feeling more wary than merry about the whole affair. Malls are mobbed, parking is packed lines are long. And, for Black parents, that's just the half of it. Black parents usually have to drive over the river and through the woods in order to find a mall (and it usually is a mall) that has a Black Santa. Sad, but true. Ugly truth No. 2: Despite your fervent and repeated insistence that a letter to Santa is every bit as good as a trip to see him, no child on the planet is going to buy it.

And so, with visions of sugar plums (not to mention Barney and Barbie) dancing in their heads, children will wait in line for hours to sit on Santa's lap, and all you can do is stand there as he winks and nods and enchants them. Writing checks you'll have to cash. Making promises you'll have to keep. Assuring them of all the wonderful things they're certain to find under the tree. You know, the gadget that costs a week's pay. The gizmo that requires a Ph.D. in engineering to assemble. The gift that every kid in the neighborhood has to have on Christmas morning and every store in the city has been out of since Halloween night.

The more I listened to my friend, the more I understood what friendship required of me: To accompany her on this holiday trek. It is a fundamental tenet of the girlfriend creed: Thou shall not abandon thy Sister in times of need.

"Look," I told her. "The only way you're going to get through this with your sanity and without heavy medication is if we go together." But first, I suggested we take an aspirin and a different approach. The aspirin did the trick on our headaches and, though I never would have believed it at the time, the different approach did the trick on our heads.

By a different approach, I do not mean we talked the child's grandmother into taking him, although, to be perfectly honest, the grandma option was something we seriously weighed. I mean we decided to try and view the whole thing as her son, and children everywhere, do: with awe and wonder and absolutely no sense of limitation. Children, after all, know a lot of wise and wonderful stuff we seem to forget somewhere on the way to adulthood. Stuff like having the courage to ask for what you want is always half the battle. And imagination can take you anywhere, even around the world in a single night in a flying sleigh.

Amazingly, the attitude adjustment worked. I'm sure it had something to do with the spirit of the season (not to mention the spirits in the eggnog), but by the time we got off the phone we were actually looking forward to the trip.

We also had reached deep into our memories (and our souls) for a fresh sense of what so much of Christmas is all about. It was a return to innocence, a time when life was a whole lot less complicated, when we could see clearly just how many reasons there are to love Santa, reasons we don't have to lose sight of just because we grow up. For one thing he brings such joy. For another, he is a symbol of peace and goodwill. Of course, there is the unassailable fact that the man wears red better than anybody on the planet. And, finally, you really have to admit he's a pretty terrific role model. Think about it. When you get right down to it, all we ever really needed to know about how to live we learned from Santa Claus:

* It is better to give than to receive.

* Believe in yourself, and others will too.

* Don't try to do everything yourself. Develop a support system that works, and use it.

* Be kind to the little people. Without them, the job doesn't get done.

* Don't obsess about your weight. What matters is the size of your heart, not your stomach.

* Pay attention to the details--make lists and check them twice.

* Respect people's differences. Even a red-nose reindeer has a value and a purpose in life.

* Dare to dream the impossible dream.

* Do the little things that help make dreams come true.

* Laugh often and out loud. It's healing and contagious.

* See the world.

* Always carry a good bag, especially when you travel.

* Make singular contributions to the world that only you can make.

* Spread happiness wherever you go.

* Always maintain a little mystery.

* Don't overstay your welcome; know when it's time to go home.

* Be kind to animals.

* Don't listen to naysayers and non-believers.

* See the possibilities.

* Build trusting relationships.

* Have pride in your work.

* Show up when you're expected.

* Be a good and supportive listener.

* Don't try to be something you're not. People know the real cling from a fake. Stay in touch with your inner child. Spend plenty of time at the mall.

* Indulge yourself. Do what you love. Life is a magical journey. Live it accordingly.