How to put the family back into Christmas

Ebony, Dec, 1995 by Lisa Jones Townsel

After the bells have jingled, the carols have been sung and little sticky fingers have grabbed the last candy cane from the Christmas tree, what sentiments will you remember most about the holiday season? Some religious leaders are afraid the consensus among mast Americans may be, "Nothing."

Modern-day commercialism, with its emphasis on opulent materialism, they say, has stripped the holiday season of its true meaning and left the Christmas celebration, in particular; bare.

In order to recapture the true essence and real reason for the season, religious leaders say people need to recall the joys of Christmases past, when Christmas was Christmas because of the celebration of life, family and community, not Christmas trees, shopping sprees and feasts.

"Bring back the fundamentals bring back the basics," admonishes Bishop H. Hartford Brookins, president of the general board of the African Methodist Episcopal Church. Bishop Brookins says the modern-day family should return to the spiritual roots that grounded the family unit of yesteryear. "To the surest people back then, Christmas was a ritual that transcended all else. It was a time that we lifted up the birth of Jesus and celebrated the coming together of the family," he says. "What made Christmas was the togetherness of the folks. They came, fellowshipped and gathered around each other and, therefore, drew closer together and tied themselves to the birth of Jesus Christ."

It was the whole ambience surrounding this joyous occasion, Brookins says, that so clearly exemplified the Christmas message. "Somehow," he says, "the food, the fellowship, the renewal of relationships with each other all came together. All of that was Christmas."

Sadly, Bishop Brookins says, the focal point has changed in recent years. "Now, it's no longer a matter of going to mama's end papa's house for Christmas. It's about having a party over Jane's house. We have grown into our own separateness. We need to re-examine and re-ignite the values that brought us to the family gathering in the first place and recapture what made us feel close to one another in the beginning."

Families can re-ignite Christmas' true meaning right at the dinner table, some leaders suggest. "On Christmas day, seize the family dinner as a time to renew your commitment to each other, to prayer and to facing life's problems together as a family," says Dr. Henry J. Lyons, president of the National Baptist Convention USA, Inc. "Take the time to talk about your experiences, about what's right and what's wrong with us] as a community]. Don't spend all of the family dinner on idle chatter. But spend some of it on constructive conversations as to how we can get our family back together, how we can put discipline back into our families, how we can better our kids and how we can share in our neighbors' problems."

Dr. Lyons is convinced that the family unit as a whole can be strengthened best by first strengthening its individual parts. "If we strengthen our men, respect our women and carefully rear our children, then our families will be strengthened," he says.

Others agree. Bishop Ruben L. Speaks, senior bishop of the African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church, says in order to put the family spirit back into Christmas, one must first concede that the Christmas, or Christian, spirit must first be put back into the family. "Unless we do that, we're starting at the wrong end of the spectrum,"says the bishop. "We must have the Christian spirit in the family. When you do that, you have the Christmas spirit in the family because the Spirit of Christ is the essence of Christmas." The difference between having Christmas without Christ, he points out, is like having the "shadow without the substance."

The Spirit of Christ, Bishop Speaks says, is evident among Christian celebrants at Christmas time by their true sense of selflessness. "The family must understand that it is not created for itself. There must be an unselfish spirit of giving in order to put the Christmas spirit back into the family. Everybody today wants to know what they can get out of it, but that's contrary to the Spirit of Christ. The Spirit of Christ doesn't ask what I can get out of it, but what can I contribute to it. If each member of the family strives to make a contribution, then the family is stronger. If we do this," he continues, "the local family, the community family and the world family will be better off."

Sister Patricia Chappell, president of the Black Sisters Conference, also believes in touching others through an unselfish spirit of giving during the holidays and throughout the year. As leader of the 1,500-member Roman Catholic sisterhood group, she advises her peers to use the holidays to help those in need. "We want to identify, work and uplift the lonely, the poor, the sick end the marginalized," Sister Chappell says.

In addition to developing a spirit of goodwill during the holidays, sister Chappell urges the community to use this season as a time to make stronger cultural connections through activities such as storytelling. "Certainly Christmas, and particularly Kwanzaa, are times when we need to highlight the positive contributions that our people have made," says Sister Chappell. "We need to appreciate and reverence the full Black community, and we need to somehow pass that on from generation to generation."