Enough already! Stop the male-bashing and infighting

Ebony, Feb, 1993 by Alvin Francis Poussaint

The Black community was thus primed for Terry McMillan's Waiting to Exhale and the discussions it has provoked. Nevertheless, many Black men and women manage to enjoy good social and professional relationships. Black men as a group are much more aware of issues concerning male chauvinism than they were two decades ago, and Black women are more aware of the unique forms of racism that affect Black men. Yet, although both Black men and women are victims in America, they are still victimizing each other. We have to stop inflicting more pain on each other by tearing each other apart.

Unfortunately, some Black men tend to direct their destructive rage against Black women, employing violence, rape, battery and sexual harassment. Extremist rap musicians have even advocated sexual abuse and murder of "the bitches." And Black men, unlike most Black women, engage in self-destructive behaviors; their involvement in crime and drugs has resulted in too many ending up in jail, unemployable or dead!

Middle-class Black women complain that they feel devalued by Black men who are sexist and treat them disrespectfully. These women are also troubled by Black men who reject them by courting White women, claiming Black women as a group have "an attitude." Although they are not preoccupied with Black women courting White men, Black men do, in turn, complain of being devalued by Black women.

Inner-city social workers and teachers are concerned that the hostile attitudes of many Black single mothers toward Black men will negatively affect the self-image of their own sons, whom they must often raise without the benefit of a male presence. Clearly, such family tensions, reflected in the failure of Black men and women to reconcile, will have an effect on the emotional development and stance of each of the sexes toward the other for generations to come. Therefore, it is critical that Black males and females take the opportunity to address the questions about their relationships raised by credible authors like McMillan. Their problems will not solve themselves.

African-American men and women alike face a difficult test in understanding the complexities of their dilemma, because the gender issues, whatever they may be, are compounded by racism and the subordinate roles of Blacks in American society. Sadly, Black men and women themselves harbor racial stereotypes about each other.

Both sexes are struggling for maturity in an America where the rights of women are changing dramatically. White males, whose dominance has been based on female subjugation, must relinquish and share power with women. For Black males, who already feel subjugated by Whites, relinquishing dominance over women, especially Black women, is more problematic. It is reasonable to speculate whether relatively powerless Black men have a greater need than White men to dominate women in order to feel "manly."

On the other hand, one wonders whether Black women who perpetuate stereotypical images of Black men can have a truly fruitful and trusting relationship with any Black male. Indeed, many who claim to be feminists send a mixed message that many Black men find perplexing: They want to be courted in traditional ways but, simultaneously, do not want men to be sexist.