Black college students tell what love means to them

Ebony, Feb, 1994

As for premarital sex, the students acknowledged that many of their peers engage in premarital sex. And, despite an abundance of college-sponsored presentations warning students about the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, some continue to engage in unsafe sex.

Still another student believed that sex should remain within the sanctity of marriage. "I personally don't believe in premarital sex," said DeJuan Wilson, an 18-year-old Morehouse freshman from Chicago. "That opinion is not very popular on this campus -- or probably on any college campus. When I tell people that, I usually get a negative reaction."

On the issue of date rape, both the men and women agreed that a woman has a right to say no to a man regardless of how far the Couple has progressed in the sexual encounter. They all acknowledged, however, that a woman must tell a man -- verbally or nonverbally -- exactly what behavior she expects from him at the outset of a date and to be prepared to withstand the consequences of her actions if she doesn't. Men, too, they said, must be clear about the signals women send out.

As students at historically Black colleges, focus group members recognized they are living in an environment that does not reflect the reality of the dating scene in the "real world." They know that once they graduate, they are not likely to see an abundance of successful Black singles in the workplace.

Although the students hold a realistic view of romance, they still said they were looking forward to getting married and having a family. Another Morehouse man said that if the is not a husband and father by age 30, he intends to become a foster parent.

With romance in their hearts and reality on their minds, these students say love is alive on their campuses.

FIRST, the good news! They want it back. Love, that is. The committed, monogamous, be-there-for-you-through-thick-and-thin kind of relationships that seem to have gone the way of 8-track tapes. Though they acknowledge it isn't going to be easy, finding it, say Morgan State University students, is one of the most important goals of their lives. "It is the key to personal happiness," says Placida Blackwood, "and to the survival of the Black family."

Now, the obstacles:

Rotten communication: "I think women often perceive men as insensitive brutes," said Zizwe Allette. "And they need to stop looking at us in that way. Men have feelings too." "The perception on campus is that it is only Black men who are out here hurting Black women and that just isn't true," agreed Airrion Keenheel. "I've been hurt a lot of times."

Abundant, Easy Sex: "Today, love is not a requirement for sex," said Placida Blackwood. "Casual sex is the norm, not the exception on campus. More often than not, it's taken for granted by both men and women." "In past generations, once you had a sexual relationship with someone, that was considered a commitment," said Keenheel. "Nowadays, you see men fathering children that they don't even take care of."