After The March: what Black men and women should do now

". . .I pledge from this day forward I will never abuse my wife by striking her or disrespecting her, for she is the mother of my children and the producer of my future. . . .I will never again use the `B word' to describe any female, but particularly my own Black sister. . . ."

--Excerpt from pledge taken at

the Million Man March

The highlight of the Million Man March was the electric moment when more than one million Black men raised their hands and promised to change their individual relationships with Black women and the whole climate of male female relationships in Black America. Now that the march is over and the men are back home, how do we prevent this pledge from becoming empty rhetoric? What should Black men and women do now--as couples, as individuals and in groups--to improve sexual and social relationships in Black communities?

The impact of the march on Black male-female relationships, according to Dr. Benjamin F. Chavis Jr., the march's national director, is already being felt. "I believe the spirit of the Million Man March has helped improve not only interpersonal relationships," he says, "but it has improved group relationships between Black men and Black women in general."

Before the march, some women charged march organizers with sexism. "Some Black feminist organizations," says Dr. Chavis, "felt it would polarize negatively the relationship between Black men and Black women. What has happened is just the opposite. There has been a significant improvement."

Cora Masters Barry, a political science professor at the University of the District of Columbia and the life of Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry, says: "The women who felt threatened by the march found out that it really was not about bad feelings and the `good ole boys' network. it was about something that would strengthen the family."

Masters Barry, who was one of several women who spoke at the march, also thinks "the march helped [women] unball their fists some. That's important because many of the problems between men and women are not only about how men have been, but how sometimes women go in with their fists balled up. If you've got your fists balled up, you don't even give it a chance."

One march will not--and cannot--solve our most severe problems, such as family neglect and abandonment and spousal abuse, say Masters Barry and others. Men who are abusing women, for instance, need professional help. But on a more general basis, Masters Barry says the march lessened tension between Black men and women and made it easier for men to deal with women by helping them relate to one another better.

Supporters of the march say bringing the issues out into the open is the beginning of the healing process. "I think for too long we have pretty much kept our struggles behind closed doors," says Dr. Derek S. Hopson, co-author with his wife, Dr. Darlene Powell Hopson, of the book Friends, Lovers and Soul Mates: A Guide To Better Relationships Between Black Men and Women. "Part of that is understandable because we are concerned about being exploited by the Aider community and having our conflicts used to pit one against the other."

We have to be aware of the various forms of racism, says Dr. Hopson--among them White stereotypes that all Black men are irresponsible and that all Black women are difficult and bossy--and how racism short-circuits meaningful dialog between us.

We also have to recognize divide-and-conquer strategies when they are used against us, national leaders say. "Black women have been used and we know that it is true," says Massachusetts State Sen. Dianne Wilkerson. "Women have been used to displace Brothers. We've been used by people who felt that 'If we absolutely have to have a Black person here, then let it be a woman' because they're intimidated [by Black men]. We can't allow that to play itself out when we're dealing with each other."

But Black men and women, experts say, cannot cast all the blame for Black people's troubles on a racist society. "We're in a time now when we must accept greater responsibility for our situation and not just blame racism," says Dr. Hopson. "There are some things we need to do to be proactive, to step forward and to assume as much leadership as we can."

Beyond racism, experts say, we should also keep in mind the differences in the way men and women of any race communicate. "The war of the sexes is something that has been going on since the beginning of time," says Masters Barry. "African-Americans are just as much a part of that as any other group." However, even traditional differences between men and women negatively impact the Black community she says, "because it becomes just one more barrier to keep us from unifying as a people."

Cultural unification is also hampered when Black men and women view one another as warriors in separate camps, rather than as comrades in a shared war against racism, poverty and violence. Sen. Wilkerson, an active march supporter, says, "We have to recognize that together we are stronger than we are separated, and that we can't separate and pull rank and muscle each other out.... Taking responsibility does not mean, `Send the sisters packing.' We need everybody."