What's behind the older woman-younger man trend?

Ebony, May, 1992 by Lynn Norment

LISA Fischer admits that she had a heart full of apprehension when Chris Walker first made romantic overtures last summer. It wasn't that she didn't find her fellow recording artist intriguing and sexy. Actually, she was immediately attracted to him, even though at first she only knew him through long, involved telephone conversations. Her reluctance, she confides, was triggered by his age: He is only 23 years old, 10 years--a whole decade--younger than Fischer.

But Walkers maturity, sensuous voice and charming personality convinced her to take a chance and plunge into uncharted territory. "Before Chris, I had never dated anyone quite that young," says the 33-year-old Fischer, who recently won a Grammy Award for her debut LP, So Intense. "I've always been with someone older than I am, never anyone my age or younger."

But Fischer actually radiates when she says she's never been happier. "Chris is an absolutely wonderful man," she says. "I'm a happy camper. He's a sweetheart."

Fischer is just one of an increasing number of progressive women in their 30s, 40s or beyond who are ignoring former societal taboos by dating and marrying much younger men. According to the National Center For Health Statistics, 23.5 percent of brides in 1988 were older than their grooms, up from 18.5 percent in 1978.

Years ago, many women married for social status and financial security, and that often translated into marrying older, more established mates. But today, many career-oriented women are not necessarily looking for men to take care of them. They have their own jobs and paychecks, their own homes, cars and comfortable lifestyles. Consequently, says Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry, a clinical psychologist with offices in Washington, D.C., women can afford to date younger men who may be just establishing their careers.

"Women who are more inclined to date younger men are those who are more self-confident career wise, those women who feel comfortable with themselves and are more financially stable," says Dr. Berry.

In show business, it is not unusual to find beautiful celebrities being escorted by younger men. Elizabeth Taylor, who recently turned 60, last year married a man in his early 40s. Aretha Franklin, Gladys Knight and Diahann Carroll all have had younger husbands. Debbie Allen and Phylicia Rashad are both a few years older than their husbands. Dionne Warwick and the considerably younger Philip Michael Thomas have been romantically linked. Whoopie Goldberg is noted for dating much younger men. Al B. Sure! is rumored to be romantically involved with a beautiful female professional at least 15 years his senior.

And Roberta Flack acknowledges in a magazine interview that she is currently involved with a man 20 years younger than she. "He's only 32," she says, "but right now I like being with a younger man. Lionel gives me tremendous energy and he goes through life without being afraid."

While some women, like Fischer, are involved with a younger man for the first time, Millie Jackson specializes in this fine art. The sometimes risque, always entertaining veteran performer wrote her current single, "Young Man, Older Woman," in which she sings, "You gotta be crazy, you're much too young... but if you're looking for seasoned sex, I'm your right one baby! Her current sweetheart, record producer Douglas Knight, is in his 30s, at least 15 years younger than Jackson.

"I find younger men to be quite exciting," says Jackson, who then laughs heartily. "Actually I haven't dated someone my age in..." She ponders for a moment .... well, 15 to 20 years at least. I was married once for eight months, back in 1971, and I was three years older than he was."

Jackson emphasizes, however, that she does not actually seek out younger men. "Its not that I prefer them, but its just that they are available. Guys my age are already married or not worth having, and so many of our good Black men are in jail," she says.

"Once you are in a relationship, younger guys are more attractive than the older guys," Jackson continues. "The younger men are more exciting. They want to do more things. Older guys worry about ball games and whether their cars need washing." Again, she laughs heartily. "Younger men seem to be more into 'let's go out and let's do things.' They are more into you. Of course, I prefer that. Who wants to sit around all day watching ball games?"

But Jackson points out that there are also disadvantages in dating those from a more youthful generation. "if you deal with those real young ones, you've got to deal with a lot of headphones." Headphones?

"Yeah, headphones. And you'll be talking to yourself sometimes. One guy I dated three or four times always had on his headphones. We were lying in bed one night watching TV, and he had his headphones on, with all that cackling noise, and he was justa grooving to the music. And they are deaf. Not dee like in rap [lingo], but D-E-A-E" Again she laughs.

Dr. Berry says older women must be more patient with the younger man's particular "stage of development" as well as his interests. She also suggests that women consider the fact that much younger men are likely to have fewer financial resources. Some men even admit that they expect older women to totally finance the relationship.