They call them 'Mr. Mom'; a growing number of Black fathers raise daughters and sons by themselves

Ebony, June, 1991

They Call Them |Mr. Mom'

A growing number of Black fathers raise daughters and sons by themselves

IT'S 5:30 in the morning at the Tyson residence and already Walter Tyson is on the move.

The 32-year-old security specialist has already taken a shower, read the morning paper and put breakfast on the stove. In an attempt to get his groggy daughters, Lindsay, 6, and Lauren, 8, out of bed, he knocks politely on their bedroom door. Five minutes later, he is back, but this time nudging and threatening to arouse the sleepy girls with a cold splash of water.

As the smell of sausage and French toast creeps through his spacious Chicago apartment, Tyson irons his shirt, plus the outfits his daughters will wear to school that day.

Tyson has been caring for his two daughters alone since his wife, Cheryl, died six years ago--only two months after giving birth to Lindsay. Back then, many people thought that the young widower wouldn't be able to raise a little girl, much less a newborn baby. Well-intentioned relatives and friends even hinted that they might be willing to take the two little girls off his hands.

Today, Tyson has silenced the skeptics and earned the title "Mr. Mom" for his domestic proficiency.

"Single fathers have to do all the things that single mothers have to do, so I hope that my daughters are paying attention just in case they ever find themselves in a similar situation," he says. "Raising two daughters when you are a single father isn't impossible, but when you are a single dad, you do feel all alone."

But Tyson is not alone. He and the three other men featured here are members of a growing group of single fathers. Some, like Tyson, are widowers. Others, like Lloyd Norment, 57, and Timothy Seymour, 40, are among the growing number of divorced fathers who fought convention and the court system to win custody of their children. And others are bachelors like Xavier Cavanaugh, 32, who has never married but still was anxious to take on the lone responsibility of caring for his baby daughter.

The U.S. Bureau of the Census reports that there were 180,000 Black children living with their fathers (without their mothers) in 1980, but by 1989, that number had increased to 339,000.

Fathers' rights advocates view this increase as an indication that society and the judicial system are beginning to recognize that men can be loving, nurturing and responsible parents. But for Black men, who have been burdened with the "eager to make babies but not to support them" stereotype, these figures prove that many are not only taking responsibility for their children--they are willing to do it alone.

And why shouldn't they?

Dr. Charles V. Willie, a sociologist and professor of education and urban studies at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, says fathers who have to bear the responsibility of parenting alone shouldn't feel that they can't be good parents too. "Fathers can do anything for their children that mothers can do," argues Willie, who knows of only one exception--nursing. "The parenting role is one of compassion and caring; therefore, the ability to parent is not gender linked."

Xavier Cavanaugh, the systems director for the Hunger Project in Washington, D.C., didn't let his gender hold him back when he decided to fight for the custody of his now four-year-old daughter, Shelley. Cavanaugh took on single fatherhood with conviction, becoming adept at changing diapers and rocking Shelley to sleep when she was adjusting to her frightening new world.

"It's a complete U-turn from what I am used to," says the bachelor who was raised in a two-parent home. "But it's all worth it when my daughter wants a hug, or when we are walking through the subway and she is holding on to my coat. Hearing someone call you |Daddy,' well, that's a reward in itself."

Along with the rewards, however, comes a host of adjustments for the single dad.

Lloyd Norment, who won custody of his daughters, Thea, 10, and Sarah, 8, following his divorce three years ago, has given up a more care-free lifestyle so that he can lavish more time and attention on his daughters. Nowadays, Norment, a teacher in the Chicago Public School System, spends his weekends and free afternoons taking the girls to zoos, the parks and on vacations. He has also learned how to cook and can even bake cakes.

The adjustments can be just as difficult for children.

Shortly after Timothy Seymour, a divorced dad, won custody of his three sons almost five years ago, he began to notice that his two youngest children were developing problems in school--a learning problem, as it was later diagnosed. Seymour, 40, a television advertising executive in Memphis, altered his schedule so he could spend several hours each week helping his children master the dynamics of math, English and many of the subjects they were tackling in school.

Today, his sons, Timothy Jr., 14, Christian George, 10, and Robert, 8, have all improved in school because of their father. The intensive tutoring sessions, says Seymour, have helped the family become closer.